Ekman, Paul with H. H. the Dalai Lama. Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance, 2009. Dia
Introduction to
Cultivating Emotional Balance
History of CEB
Results of Research: CEB participants showed: Significant decrease in depression, anxiety and hostility over 5-week period Significant increase in affection for others Significant improvement in their ability to detect subtle forms of emotional expression Less emotional and physiological reactivity to a stress test compared to reactivity prior to training
Purpose of CEB Identify and cultivate genuine happiness. Support the cultivation of genuine happiness through leading a constructive emotional life. Create a choice in how we engage with our emotions.
Hedonic Happiness
Genuine Happiness
Definition of Emotion Emotion is a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and includes a set of physiological changes and behaviors that begin to deal with the situation. In particular, emotions are thought to have arisen because they efficiently coordinate diverse response systems, thereby helping us respond to important challenges and opportunities.
Characteristics of Emotions vs. Moods, Personality, Values, Thoughts… Short acting Quick onset Distinctive physiological changes Catalyzed through external and internal stimulus There is a facial signal that is involuntary and universal (link all humanity) for the “Big 7” universal emotions, expressed for 0.5 – 4 secs, median 2 secs. Duration usually related to intensity A characteristic set of triggers that are universal Very quick appraisal of what is happening
Characteristics of Emotions cont. Not unique to humans Individual differences in how we express emotions Distinctive thoughts, memories and images Distinctive subjective experience, a characteristic set of sensations (that we can become more aware of) Target is unconstrained (not specific) Refractory period that filters and focuses what information is available to us (can develop skill to shorten refractory period)
Functions of Emotions Save our lives with quick appraisal and response, e.g., using fear to instantly swerve away from an animal on the road Motivate us into action Help us in communicating and understanding the wants and needs of others through distinct signals in the voice and facial expressions
Constructive and Destructive Emotions Constructive emotions are emotions that are conducive to our own and others’ happiness, and further our cooperation and collaboration. Destructive emotions are regrettable emotions that are incompatible with our own and others’ happiness.
Constructive Emotional Behavior Emotions in the right amount, proportional to the event that called them forth Expressed at the right time Expressed in the right way, appropriate to the emotional trigger and the circumstances and in a way that does no harm
How they get us into trouble We feel and show the right emotion but at the wrong intensity (e.g. over-reacting) or for inappropriate duration We feel the appropriate emotion, but express it in a hurtful way (e.g. passive aggressive) An inappropriate emotion is triggered, we feel the wrong (inappropriate) emotion We are unaware of our emotional experience and the way we express it Nearly all emotions can be expressed in a constructive or destructive way
Seven Universal Emotions SADNESS/ ANGUISH
ENJOYABLE EMOTIONS
FEAR
DISGUST CONTEMPT SURPRISE
ANGER 15
UNIVERSAL Signal
Trigger— theme
Physiology
Likely Actions
Themes of 7 Universal Emotion Families Anger— • fight, remove obstacle
Fear— • flight, escape from threat
Sadness— • be reassured, elicit connection and caring from others, create connection in face of loss
Disgust— • get rid of something poisonous or harmful
Contempt— • asserts superiority
Surprise— • focus attention to identify something
Enjoyable emotions— • deepen connection and co-operation
Child had died
About to fight
Friends had come
Saw a smelly dead pig
Copyright Paul Ekman LLP
Child had died
About to fight
Friends had come
Saw a smelly dead pig
Copyright Paul Ekman LLP
Child had died
About to fight
Friends had come
Saw a smelly dead pig
Copyright Paul Ekman LLP
Child had died
About to fight
Friends had come
Saw a smelly dead pig
Copyright Paul Ekman LLP
Group Discussion In small groups, pick one emotional episode to map using the Emotional Episode Timeline. Focus on insights/observations of:
1. Triggers (including Emotional Alert Database) 2. Emotional behaviors (signals, preset actions, learned behaviors, physiological changes, scripts) 3. Refractory periods
Anger Theme: Being thwarted in pursuit of goal that matters to you Effects: Anger controls, punishes and retaliates Dangerous effect: Anger calls forth more anger. It is difficult not to respond to anger with anger, especially when it appears unjustified Why do people want to change anger? • It is the dangerous emotion that can quickly hurt others, psychologically, and physically • Is the hurtfulness built in or learned? • Many taught not to express anger ‐> guilt, shame
• For some own anger can get out of control ‐> fear
Common Anger Triggers Interference Someone trying to hurt us Another person’s anger
Injustice Disappointment in how a person has acted Betrayal, abandonment, rejection Being falsely accused Breaking a cultural rule
How is anger destructive? Can anger ever be constructive? Destructive angry behaviors: Retaliation Stonewalling Constructive when it prevents harm to self or others. But dangerous as may start a cycle of violence. BUT must be directed at action not at actor Can motivates change, alerts you that something in your life needs to change, stops you from being blocked
Anger Faces
Four Steps for Working with Anger 1. Identify the stimulus of anger, without confusing it with our evaluation. 2. Identify the internal image or judgment, the projection or story line that is making us angry. 3. Transform this judgmental image into the need that it is expressing; in other words, bring our full attention to the need that is behind the judgment. 4. Make a clear, straightforward request of what we want from the other person in relation to our feelings and unmet needs.
Applying Awareness to the Emotional Episode Timeline Working with Emotional Behaviors: When we are feeling emotional and ready to act, ask ourselves: “Is what I’m about to say or do… Helpful to me? Helpful to other people?
Helpful to the world?”
Guidelines for a Wise Break Suggestions for taking a wise break in close relationships: Tell the other person you would like to take a “wise break” in order to avoid being hurtful Negotiate how long you will be gone Always come back at the agreed-upon time
If you are still too worked up, make an alternative time to discuss During the wise break: Don’t drink, drive, or use drugs Don’t ruminate on how you are right and what you’re going to say Practice what you’ve learned to increase relaxation and awareness
Becoming Aware of the Affect Program Through RAIN R: Recognize what is happening A: Allow life to be just as it is
I: Investigate inner experience with a caring presence N: Non-identification
How to Work with Hot Triggers Keep log of regrettable emotional episodes: trigger, behaviour, what was regrettable. Once have 10 – 15 entries, what do the triggers have in common? Is there an underlying story, pattern, narrative or script? May be able to recognize, in advance, situations likely to lead to trigger and avoid or prepare for them. Can rehearse alternative behaviour.
Remind ourselves to re-appraise the trigger. Disable the trigger by removing cognitive projections that distort our view.
In close relationships, once we know what our hot triggers are, we can communicate about the need for a wise break.
To Moderate Emotional Behaviors Develop “emotionfulness” – attentively considering our emotional feelings Become more aware what triggers our emotions – identify and weaken our own hot triggers Learn about the bodily sensations that distinguish each emotion -> alert us to our emotional state Develop impulse awareness Become more observant of the emotional feelings of others Try to broaden understanding of other person’s situation - is refractory period distorting perception? Even if we cannot reappraise, even if we still feel our feelings are justified, we can choose to interrupt our actions, control face and voice, resist impulses to act
Suggested Reading Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed, Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life, 2003, 2007. Key text on Paul Ekman’s research and training guidance for increasing emotional awareness, resonance and regulation. Ekman, Paul with H. H. the Dalai Lama. Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance, 2009. Dialogue with the Dalai Lama on skills needed to develop emotional well-being. Goleman, D. Destructive emotions: How can we overcome them? A scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama, 2003. Wallace, B. Alan and H.H. the Dalai Lama. Genuine Happiness: Meditation as the Path to Fulfillment, 2005a. A general text which serves as a good introductory guide to the contemplative practices that can bring about more lasting well-being and happiness.
