Excerpt from "The Last Waltz" By Nic Ford 2009 (C) Nic Ford [PDF]

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The doors of the TARDIS burst open, and LADY CHRISTINA DE. SOUZA - dark, slim, beautiful - bursts through, laughing uproariously. She is dressed in an ...
Excerpt from "The Last Waltz" By Nic Ford

2009 (C) Nic Ford

1

INT. TARDIS. DAY The doors of the TARDIS burst open, and LADY CHRISTINA DE SOUZA - dark, slim, beautiful - bursts through, laughing uproariously. She is dressed in an elegant, scarlet evening gown, black elbow-length gloves, high heels - all sex and money - and is made up beautifully. Diamond earrings and a necklace that looks like Belgium’s national debt. She runs straight to the TARDIS console, still laughing, and throws herself into a turn that leaves her half-sitting, half-perching upon its edge. She is breathless, excited, happy - and grinning, expectantly, at the TARDIS doors. THE DOCTOR - tall, young, square of face and mad of hair bursts through the doors after her. Also laughing. He’s in exactly the same outfit as Christina. CHRISTINA What a night! Not yet...

THE DOCTOR not yet...

He runs up to the console, presses buttons and pulls levers manically. The doors close and the central column suddenly rises, causing the TARDIS to jerk to life and the familiar noises of dematerialisation to echo around the chamber. Christina is thrown from the console, and inexpertly caught by the Doctor - but caught, at least. They both cannot stop laughing, and slump beside the groaning console. The Doctor pulls off his earrings. He’s manic, full of nervous energy. THE DOCTOR We did it! We actually did it! CHRISTINA Told you. Piece of cake! THE DOCTOR But crashing Romana’s inauguration ball! The audacity! Your... your!... audacity, Lady Christina de Souza! Oh, it could have gone spectacularly wrong, if they’d worked out who we were! (SUDDENLY INFORMATIVE) I’m considered something of the renegade there, you know. (CONTINUED)

(CONTINUED)

2.

CHRISTINA I know. You mentioned. THE DOCTOR Hm? Oh. Yes. (BEAT; MANIC AGAIN) I could have been arrested! And you! You’re not even allowed there! They could have had you... CHRISTINA Had me what? Shot? THE DOCTOR More sort of... erased. CHRISTINA Charming lot, your family. THE DOCTOR (EMBARRASSED; NON-COMMITTAL) Well. They don’t get out much. (DEEP BREATH; QUITE SAD NOW) ’S’why I don’t go back much, too. Christina smiles, sympathetically, and places her hand on his arm. CHRISTINA Still. We did it, eh? THE DOCTOR (ENTHUSIASM RETURNS) Yeah. What a night! CHRISTINA And look at you! (LAUGHS AGAIN) THE DOCTOR What? You no like? Is red not my colour? CHRISTINA Oh, it is! Absolutely it is! it’s great that you’re so... home with yourself. I’ve not many men that could carry it But I had no idea about the legs...

And at met off.

THE DOCTOR The lallies? What about ’em? CHRISTINA Well, just... yummy!

(CONTINUED)

(CONTINUED)

3.

THE DOCTOR We’ll have less of that if you please, young lady! The TARDIS suddenly lurches, the groaning of its central column taking on a deep and painful tone. And then it just... stops. No more motion. Silence. The lights dim, and take on a forbidding blueish hue. The Doctor jumps up - presses buttons, looks at screens and readouts. THE DOCTOR (CONT’D) Funny... something’s up... we’re being, I don’t know, held in the vortex. Who could be...? (SUDDENLY LOOKS UP, FUMING) Christina! Is there something you want to tell me? Christina has stood and moved away from the console. She is now gazing innocently up at the ceiling, hands behind her back, looking like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. CHRISTINA I don’t know what you mean. THE DOCTOR (OMINOUS) Christina... CHRISTINA Oh, all right then. It was there in front of me. What’s a girl to do? THE DOCTOR What was there in front of you? CHRISTINA Nothing. Just... a trinket. Nothing to worry about, nothing anyone would miss... THE DOCTOR What, Christina? CHRISTINA Just a... memento of our trip? Christina brings her hands round, to reveal that she is holding... a ruby. Size of a golf ball. Glinting with an inner light and set in an ornate platinum lattice. THE DOCTOR Where on Gallifrey did you hide that? (CONTINUED)

(CONTINUED)

4.

Christina smiles coquettishly, starts to open her mouth... THE DOCTOR (CONT’D) ...no, no! Don’t tell me! I don’t want to know! What is it? The Doctor runs over, takes Christina’s hands and holds them up, so that he can see what they contain. He examines it - and his face drops. Suddenly he is shaking, all the laughter and exuberance of a moment ago turned to panic and fear. He is a man of extremes. THE DOCTOR (CONT’D) Oh no! No no no no no! You didn’t! CHRISTINA I... more sort of did. Did what, by the way? THE DOCTOR You took something that wasn’t yours, that’s what! CHRISTINA This? It’s just... a shiny. No one will miss it, surely. I mean, a party that size, they must expect some shrinkage... THE DOCTOR Some, yes. A TARDIS here, the odd mountain range there. But this... oh, Ogrons! This! CHRISTINA Why? Is it important? THE DOCTOR You could say that, yes. Christina, you’ve just purloined the Orb of Rassilon! CHRISTINA Which is...? The Doctor, in his panic and trying to shake some control back into himself, dances around the room as he answers. THE DOCTOR A jewel worth more than the star system it was born in! A symbol that’s rallied people after people, and earned each of them their suffrage! As a weapon it’s a deterrent that deters even (MORE) (CONTINUED)

(CONTINUED)

5.

THE DOCTOR (CONT’D) those who don’t know it exists, and as a force for unity and peace it is surpassed only by chocolate-chip ice cream and back-rubs! The Doctor stops dancing. Goes to lean against the console, both hands on it, his back to Christina. His head droops, defeated. THE DOCTOR (CONT’D) (SLOW; DEPRESSED) It’s also a rather important biological component of the TARDIS. Of all TARDISes. They share it, you know - or, more accurately, they all take turns having it. Simultaneously. CHRISTINA And the Time Lords will mind that I’ve borrowed it, will they? THE DOCTOR (TURNING BACK TO FACE CHRISTINA AGAIN; ANIMATED IN HIS CONCERN) Oh, Christina! Without this, there is no time travel - no travel of any kind. Without this, there are no Time Lords! Christina is no longer laughing, but rather alarmed. She looks around. CHRISTINA Which I suppose explains why... THE DOCTOR ...we’re unable to move? Yes, I suppose it does. CUT TO: