five secrets to reconnecting with old crushes on facebook

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E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected]. © 2011 X & Y ... It used to be that if you completely missed out
FIVE SECRETS TO RECONNECTING WITH OLD CRUSHES O N F AC E B O O K

SCOT McKAY

FIVE SECRETS TO RECONNECTING CRUSHES ON FACEBOOK

WITH

O LD

It used to be that if you completely missed out on dating the most MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) in your high school out back in the day, you pretty much had to live with that forever...or at least until the next reunion, assuming both of you showed up. Who cares whether he or she was “taken” for all four years of high school or you just flat-out lacked the guts to make a move back in your wasted youth? The end result was the same, regardless. And then came Facebook. So, here you are YEARS LATER. You open up your Facebook account, run a quick search on your high school class and what do you know? There’s that ONE amazing person who “got away”. And he or she’s single, no less. Or who knows? Maybe it's someone from college. Maybe it's an actual ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Or that intriguing person with the unique exotic name that you somehow remembered...even though you somehow FORGOT to get in touch after you traded digits that magical night you met out on the town a couple of years ago. It occurs to you to run a search on Facebook for WHOEVER it is...and what do you know? You find who you’re looking for, sure enough.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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So after you thaw yourself out from having been FROZEN to your chair as soon as you were confronted with that picture on your computer screen...THEN WHAT? You WANT to make contact again. In fact, you feel like you NEED to make contact again. But you definitely want to make sure that if you DO contact this person it ends better for you than LAST time...or at the VERY LEAST no worse, right? Here's everything you need to know about someone you USED to know, but now find yourself with a NEW CHANCE to reconnect with.

1)

Set Expectations Properly

I debated the order of the first two bullet points I'm sharing with you. Ultimately, the idea of setting proper expectations came first because I think it's a healthy thought process to go through REGARDLESS of whether you decide to act on your urge to contact a someone from your past or not. So what do I mean by "set expectations" in this context? Well, I don't want to be a "spoil sport" but chances are VERY, VERY GOOD that the person behind that Facebook profile is going to be a different person than the one you remember. Oh, he or she’s the same HUMAN BEING. But there's been a lot of water under the bridge since the last time the two of you interacted.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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And in case it's not obvious, the LONGER it's been since you saw each other last the GREATER the potential for differences. Heck, if you're coming up on your 20th or 25th year high school reunion, simply SEEING his or her profile might make you GLAD you didn't ever actually go out together...lest you might have ended up getting married. In fact, you may go through a very real "mourning period" for your lost memories of his or her faded glory. You might rather have left them as they were after all, come to think of it. But what I'm talking about here is important to consider even if it's only been a couple of years since you saw this person last--and liked what you saw. There have been other relationships, maybe even marriage(s) and divorce(s)...for BOTH of you. And it's likely his or her personality and demeanor have "evolved". Hopefully there’s more maturity there nowadays, even though he or she hasn’t lost that joie de vivre demonstrated back when you knew each other. You might also hope he or she hasn't grown jaded against MOTOS. …and that his or her psychological state is terrific in general. But "hope" isn't a strategy. The simple truth is that NO MATTER WHAT (or how long it's been), you've got to prepare yourself for interacting with someone who isn't quite who you expect them to be.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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That may not only be disappointing, it may be painful to your fond memories. Oh, and let's not forget to set what is perhaps the more important expectation of all: It's not a foregone conclusion that this person is going to instantly (and magically) open up to you after all this time.

2)

T r e a d Wi t h C a r e

Once you've got your expectations in line you need to carefully consider the logistics involved with reconnecting. And let's face it; life isn't always "convenient". For starters, maybe he or she is not single anymore. If not, you've got to remember you're now dealing with someone who's in a relationship--maybe a committed one. That's going to dramatically affect how he or she is going to react to hearing from you...assuming any reaction at all. At least look before you leap, if you get my drift. Another thing to keep in mind is how far away from each other you are. If the two of you still live in close proximity, that could profoundly affect how you interact together on Facebook when and if you reconnect.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Simply put, the closer you live to each other the greater the perceived likelihood that you might end up actually (as in REALLY) "meeting for coffee" or something. That's got to sound like a good idea AHEAD OF TIME in the other person’s mind in order for him or her to jump right into talking to you again. On the other hand, if you live far apart nowadays there's a "buffer zone" there between fantasy and potential reality. But even still, that "fantasy" has got to sound like a good idea...and in light of point #1 above, it probably isn't. If he or she is far away, you also have to factor in your tolerance for long-distance relationships should you two actually reconnect with unexpectedly strong chemistry. Think about that one VERY carefully. My general guideline would be that if someone is happily married and lives close by, I don't even add them. If he or she is married and far away, go ahead and add them but leave it at that...if a cordial convo with you is desired, he or she will initiate it.

3)

Get In Touch With Your Real Memories

It's a common, natural fact that bad memories tend to FADE over time... overshadowed by more favorable ones . This can be a good thing. I recently reconnected with a guy I'd once been great friends with in high school, but we ended up having a For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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falling out sometime around graduation and didn't talk much anymore after that. When we caught up with each other on Facebook neither of us could remember what we'd gotten mad at each other about. So nowadays it's like we picked up where we left off...BEFORE whatever that stupid thing that happened back in high school was. But when it comes to possibly reconnecting with MOTOS from your past, you've got to keep the darker side of this phenomenon in mind. If she's an ex, was there a REALLY GOOD reason why you parted ways to begin with? I bet there was. Even if it’s just someone you secretly were hot for back in school, did you actually LIKE them? Given all the time that has passed, do you really WANT to get to know that person nowadays? That last question may sound like a silly one, but it's amazing how actually having a CHOICE in the matter after so many years of regret causes you to make an unexpected choice to pass rather than proceed.

4)

Stay In Touch With Your Mature Self

OK, so let's think positive thoughts. You've set reasonable expectations, you're both single, and you both actually LIKED each other back when you knew each other previously.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Great...now you've got to do everything in your power not to REGRESS back to the time when you knew each other...mentally OR emotionally, that is. Things really have changed, and hopefully for the better. You've probably matured into far more of a complete, evolved and dare I say REAL man or woman than you were years ago...at least I sincerely trust you have. As such, rest in the simple notion that you're inherently MORE attractive than you used to be. Understand that as the tremendous advantage over your younger self that it truly is…even if you just noticed a new line or two in the mirror the last time you looked. With that in mind don't ever, EVER let yourself slip into your "old ways" when you're reconnecting with someone from your past. And let me tell you, that stuff can show up and rear its ugly head with a quickness...probably before you even know it's there. Think I'm kidding? Go Netflix Grown Ups with Adam Sandler for a fictional and funny--but somehow strangely accurate--picture of how we as guys tend to "pick up where we left off" with old friends.

5)

Pace Yourself

This last point revolves around how to proceed when actually making first contact on Facebook, should you choose to do so. Whatever you do, DON'T lead with a long, sad message about lost opportunities, new beginnings and--God forbid--your entire life story. For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Although that sounds obvious, I add it as a warning because I've seen it happen TOO many times. In fact, don't EVER send a long, sad message such as that to ANYONE...EVER. This all-conquering truth applies even after you've written back and forth ten times and had lunch...or have even had sex, for that matter. The key is to let the other person figure out on his or her own how much of a POSITIVE experience it is to reconnect with YOU. You already know that it's always a BAD IDEA to push hard for what you want with MOTOS...at the very beginning, especially. It comes off as selfish and needy...the latter being the universal “kiss of death" as far as attraction goes. Just add him or her at first and leave it at that for the time being. STOP moving. RESIST the urge to even send a direct Facebook message, let alone click the IM button. If you knew each other at least a bit and got along reasonably well, it's altogether likely that he or she will send you a short message when she accepts your friend request. If not, it's then fine to send a short message once the other person is actually on your friend list...preferably a casual but humorous one. One of my favorite examples I've ever seen--written by a woman to a guy she hadn't seen in over 20 years, after he added her first--was, "So...what have you been up to these last 'few' years?" After you've established contact WITHOUT declaring interest in seeing each other again, you might go ahead and say something positive such as, "You still look the same as ever" (assuming that's true). For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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From there, you might receive a response asking if that's a GOOD THING. See the flow there? The next thing you know, you'll be catching up. If he or she’s actually in your town (or reasonably close by) that's when you should decide that all of this typing needs to turn into talking, and you trade numbers and take it from there. People and circumstances change, but at our core we somehow seem to remain who we've always been under there--self-improved or otherwise. Even as you set expectations as you should for reconnecting with someone from your past on Facebook, you're likely to be pleasantly surprised in many ways that he or she is still very much the person you've thought so fondly of for all this time. It's just that you've got to be ready for ANYTHING if you actually meet again... including massive disappointment. In many ways, it's not unlike online dating...weirdly. Remember also this sobering truth: Over there on the other computer, the person you’re reconnecting with is going to be confronted with the SAME EXACT set of thoughts and emotions we've talked about here regarding YOU. Deserve what you want, and he or she will likely not be disappointed. Be Good, Scot McKay

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Once there, drop your e-mail address in the annoying popup window, and download yet another cool report I have for you called "Get The First Date AND The Second Date"…also for free. Alternatively, you can just send a blank email to [email protected]. Easy stuff. Please note that the information in this special report is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute "professional advice". You are responsible for your own decisions in life (which we hope will include deciding to meet more high quality MOTOS).

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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ABO U T TH E AU TH O R

Scot

McKay graduated from Messiah College in Grantham, PA in 1988 with a Bachelor of Arts in Education. From there, he did graduate work in psychology and counseling while working as a lifecoach for "at risk" kids in Yuma, AZ. After a difficult divorce years later, Scot heard from virtually everyone that "it wasn't his fault" and that "there was nothing he could have done" to have been a better husband. Not accepting the victim's mindset, he researched exactly what it is that attracts men and women to one another, and--more importantly--what keeps them together for years. This research has been ongoing for seven years to date, and has literally been a life-changer for him—going from divorced and alone to happily married to the woman of his dreams during that span. The findings have been so profound and meaningful that Scot went back to his roots of life coaching after a successful management career in the IT world...and that’s how X & Y Communications was born. Scot lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife Emily, three children (David, Danielle and Scot Jr.), plus two hairless terriers called Cosmo and Gracie.

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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ABOUT X & Y COMMUNICATIONS

X & Y Communications LLC was founded by Scot McKay in 2005. Our organization exists entirely to help you become the best you can be when it comes to dating and relationships--without having to learn to do things the "hard way". It doesn't matter if you are young or old, as yet unmarried, married, divorced or widowed. X & Y Communications can help you maximize your success in preparing for and eventually realizing the ultimate in relationships with a significant other. True to what you’ve seen demonstrated in this book, we publish free newsletters containing straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on. The stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around here. Enjoy!

For More Cool, Free Tips Visit: www.deservewhatyouwant.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/scotandemily E-Mail Scot McKay At: [email protected] © 2011 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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