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Issue 1 | April 2012 | 4 Pages + 2 Page Supplement | For free circulation only

I HAVE A DREAM

From the Editor Dear Goanet-Femnet Readers,

I have a dream that many subscribers' brains are teeming with ideas, aspirations, questions and emotions, full of racing thoughts, that they're scratching pens, writing an endless stream of ideas and thoughts...

Welcome to this our first newsletter! Goanet-Femnet. is an initiative for women by women. Our aim is to Imagine your words in print reaching a wider audience. Imagine that maybe, just maybe, your create a network of women who will words can make a difference. Strike a chord. Touch a life. Change the world. inspire, encourage and empower each other to fulfill their dreams, Imagine no more. Just pen those great words and let's together be the change agents of today. whatever they might be. The articles in this newsletter will give Oh wow, how many articles do I see coming to Goanet-Femnet, right this minute? you, the reader a chance to get a Love. Thank you and be blessed. small taste of what it is like for Betsy other women like yourselves, and (This article has been copied from the book "I have a dream 2009, Words to change the world / 2009 Poetry hopefully you too will want to Competition for 11-18 year olds”, and adapted for our Goanet-Femnet initiative.) share something you've experienced.

DISCOVERING MY “GOAN” HERITAGE AGAIN

The internet is a powerful networking tool which connects For about thirty years, I forgot people around the world. This is how 'Goan' I was. Perhaps, why we have chosen to build this because when I first arrived in network online where we can America from England, there were share things with you and receive no Goans in these parts - only a lot feedback almost instantly

of Americans of Italian descent. I

Betsy Pinto-Nunes, a lady with a was kind of adopted by an Italianknack of getting women from American family here in Bridgeport different backgrounds together, is Connecticut and everything I did was the driving force behind Goanetwith the Italians - from cooking, Femnet. She has always been s u r ro u n d e d by a n et wo r k o f shopping and dining. I even started to fascinating women, a network of which sound like them - at least that's what my Mom said when she came to see me after you are now a part.

six months of my living in the USA... It was

Our first issue has a selection of articles somewhat like the movie 'MOON on various topics like rediscovering ones Goan roots, an inspiring woman, STRUCK' with Cher and Nicholas Cage. embracing life at 60, a glimpse into the life of Arnold and I would travel to Canada for women living with HIV/AIDS in India and on our dose of Goan Culture during the coping with death.

where I was from, I had to keep playing the broken record Portuguese/Indian born in Africa, had a British education... yada, yada, yada!! Well now, I am finally finding my “Roots” in the comfort of my own home - on the Internet and in the more wonderful stories I read from my old school mates - Maf, Carol, Catherine, Colleen, Evelyn, Genny and Mel. I am so fascinated that the Goan Community in Africa has kept archives of our rich culture thanks to our many Goan writers. One of them is Braz Menezes whose book 'JUST MATATA' (we bought a few copies and distrbuted them to other members of my family) really gave an insight into our growing up in Colonial East Africa. So to all my countrymen, I want to say: THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES. -I hope I don't sound like BOB HOPE.!!

holidays. We did this for about ten To make the first issue even more special, we years and then, as my kids have included a two page supplement to introdeveloped into teenagers with duce our founder members to you subscribers. opinions, the protests began: by Carmen née Nazareth now Marcia DoRosario "Why do we have to go there Remember, this newsletter is a forum, in which you where everyone is brown?” are invited to express yourself. Feel free to pen down HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY yo u r t h o u g ht s a n d s e n d t h e m a c ro s s to Well, I couldn't fight them [email protected]. Just make sure that your forever and finally gave up. This is a place to do it. Reach out to Fellow contributions are in line with our guidelines located at http://femnet.goanet.org/guidelines.html.

However, I continued to cook some traditional Once again thanks for being part of the network… Happy Goan food especially Reading! Potato Chops and Enjoy! Sorpotel and every Janis Mwosa time I was asked Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Subscribers with interesting anecdotes, inspiring stories and heartwarming moments from your life. Write an article with a maximum of 600 words, poem or even a drawing, email it to [email protected], (your contact details will not be disclosed) and make this space your own. Page 1

VICTORIA How do you juggle a heavy work schedule, look after a growing family and come out smelling roses? Well, I know a young lady who did (and continues to do) just that! Whilst studying for her undergrad degree in Food Science, she had her first child. He was a bouncing boy – weighed in at 7lbs 10 oz. The next two and a half years were difficult, as she still had to look after a baby and study at the same time. Then along came her second child - another little boy. Six months later they moved to Florida as hubby secured a job there. They were now settling to a more normal family life and she decided to do her Masters in Food Science. In her final year, baby #3 arrived.

since very young) and the girls are still in school playing soccer, doing track-and-field, music (violin and piano), dance (jazz, tap, etc) but it won't be long before they too will be flying the coop!

On reaching 60, I was unbelieving that this milestone had come – why it was only yesterday that I was 16! I vividly remembered the barbeque my adored parents Jerry & Helen Fernandes held for me at our home in Nairobi, the drop waist dress my Mum lovingly sewed – we used to call them Twist dresses-and the pretty sling back shoes I wore. Feeling very adult and assuming I was, I did not realise then, that it is life experiences that shape adulthood and mould the character.

As if she wasn't busy enough: in-between all this, she has been, and still is, a food safety consultant. This involves visiting various food stores and restaurants ensuring that they maintain good food standards and On reaching 50 it dawned on me, that it was practices. She is also involved in training perhaps the stable and loving family life managers in the food service industry. that nurtured my confidence from my sweet sixteen days. At 50 I felt self assured While doing her undergrad, she met and and empowered by the ability to be vocal married a Colombian (who was brought up in Spain) and was doing his PhD in when others cowered. molecular biology and biochemistry. She learned Spanish during her many sojourns in Spain to visit the in-laws and started teaching Spanish in the girls' school. This progressed from one class to several. At the same time, she also embarked on a business selling olive oil.

The following year, they moved on to the Eastern Seaboard. A few years later, came two more babies – beautiful, delightful little angels. Added to this, were the normal soccer-mom chores, driving all over town to practices, tournaments, scouts, basketball, etc - and when the girls were I did ask her how she managed all this – her older there were dance and music lessons, response was she had good role models --her Mum, Mother-in-Law and Aunts! Also, parties, etc, etc. through the tough times, Mum and siblings Fast-forward 22 years, the eldest is in third were always on hand for those extra pairs of year university doing industrial distribution hands! supply chain management, the second in first year architecture , the third – a soccer Who, you may ask, is this young lady?? My and track-and-field champion – will be inspiration – my niece, Victoria! going into university next year to do by Colleen D’Souza medicine (something he has wanted to do COFFEE TIME QUOTES ON WOMEN BY WOMEN Solve these ANAGRAMS (hint: clues within this issue) “In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man—if you want anything done, ask a woman”— Margaret Thatcher BYTES RIOTED “A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.” — Rhonda Hansome IDEALS RECITALS “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” —Eleanor Roosevelt GARNISH WIVES Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as Answers on bottom right corner men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not of this page. difficult. — Charlotte Whitton Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

NOT QUITE OVER THE HILL, MORE ON TOP OF IT!

At 60 I have mellowed, value routine in my life and as I recap, I smile at the thought of my rebel years, my courtship days and above all the continuing wife and mother years - each one shaping me into the senior citizen( as classified by Government! ) that I am today! My son sent me a card on my 60th stating that 60 is the new 40! and in today's world that does have a ring of truth to it…still want to dance like I've never danced before, romance with hubby and act crazy (just a little!) with girlfriends, all of whom are 60+ too! This joie de vivre must come from my parents- my Dad danced the night away on his 90th, my Mum took a trip to Rome with her daughters on her 80th- all girls together- but sadly our last one with her. I was honoured to be asked to join GoanetFemnet as a Founder Member - Betsy Nunes, its creator, has proven that age is no barrier to achieving. She has surely set the bar high, developing and realising her dream of this global dialogue between women. So may my spirit always be willing to embark on ventures new – the flesh with regular yoga could be coaxed into submission too! by Mafalda-Anne (Mafie) Desa Anagrams Solutions: BETSY | EDITOR| LADIES | ARTICLES | SHARING | VIEWS Page 2

VOICES OF RESILIENCE

Stigma, discrimination and marginalisation of Indian women living with HIV/AIDS The book, 'Voices of resilience: stigma, discrimination and marginalisation of Indian women living with HIV/AIDS' reports on an in-depth study undertaken with women infected and affected by HIV in a lower socio-economic area of Mumbai, India. The book discusses the stigma and discrimination that exists within the family and community against these women.

discrimination since their birth. HIV/AIDS women displayed a sense of pride, dignity imposes yet another layer of stigma and and resilience. Culturally appropriate and discrimination on their shoulders. safe strategies are necessary to address the lack of education and awareness as only A study, which is the basis for our book: two of the 45 women interviewed had any “Voices of Resilience” was undertaken in the slums of Mumbai, India. The knowledge of HIV/AIDS before their own participants were women, infected and diagnosis which often followed their affected by HIV/AIDS, who were benefiting husbands' positive status. In addition, the from a home-based service – Positive Living social and cultural dimensions which affect Associate Professor (Dr) Jaya Earnest from under the auspices of the KJ Somaiya women have to be explored and examined the Centre for International Health at Hospital in Mumbai. The programme in order to strengthen women who are the Curtin University, p r o v i d e s 'shock absorbers' of their family. Western Australia and Dr Pam O'Connor from the W o m e n Healthworks in Western Australia launched the book in Mumbai, India in May 2011 and are launching the book in Perth, Western Australia in March 2012. In this article, Jaya & Pam briefly talk about the study and its findings. Stigma and discrimination are now recognised as major factors in the spread of HIV/ AIDS. In addition to the i n d i v i d u a l reactions, there are complex community and societal dimensions, such as culture, power and gender differences that need to be explored. India now has HIV/AIDS prevalence figures to rival sub-Saharan Africa. HIV has spread from high-risk populations such as intravenous drug users, commercial sex workers and truck drivers into the general population. Married, monogamous, heterosexual women in slum communities are highly vulnerable. Factors such as caste, class, ethnic group, poverty and social expectations present formidable layers of stigma for the infected women. They have also faced Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

nutrition, and a home-based service to the n e a r b y community slums. The study was undertaken at the K J Somaiya Hospital HIV Project (SAHAS) in Mumbai whose assistance in facilitating the visits with the women was invaluable. The results of the study indicated that these women experienced stigma and discrimination in their families, communities and health care settings. Fear of future stigma and discrimination towards themselves, their children and extended family resulted in secrecy which, in turn, prevented them from accessing community and health services which could provide emotional and physical support. Women who could not disclose their condition for fear of stigma and discrimination were extremely isolated, lacked family and community support and feared for the future.

The community health workers working at the grass-roots and for home-based health programmes are vital in providing emotional support and health information to the women. Policy makers and programmes have to look further for health and community education strategies which would engage men in the process to change their attitudes and thus protect vulnerable women and children as men have a pivotal role in transforming the status of women. Effective policies and programmes that support women in their family role and which also address their own needs are essential. Women have to be supported, empowered and encouraged over time to develop confidence in their abilities and strengths. Changing attitudes and beliefs is the precursor to behavioural change and is more complex than delivering knowledge and awareness programmes. The book portrays the resilience of each woman's spirit and the unique capacity of the women to cope, to find strength, to pursue life and to maintain hope when their dreams and the dreams of their children have been shattered through HIV/AIDS. It is hoped that the findings of this study will also contribute to the development of an action-oriented program to HIV and women's health underpinned by a human rights approach in India and other country with gender disparities by Jaya Earnest.

However, despite their appalling living The book can be purchased by emailing conditions of poverty, overcrowding, Jaya ([email protected]) prevalence of disease and pollution, the Page 3

ON DEATH AND GRIEVING Out of life comes death, And out of death, life. Out of the young, the old, And out of the old, the young. Out of waking, sleep, And out of sleep, waking. The stream of creation and Dissolution never stops. - Heraclitus

c o u l d b e p a ra l y s i n g , c a u s i n g u s to avoid life, living in constant dread and excluding us from the vibrant richness of knowing and experiencing the different facets of life. For others, the knowledge of death could be galvanising, prompting us to plunge whole-heartedly into the fullness of life - riding the crests and troughs that this would bring. Which of these two approaches do you think would This cycle of life, we all know, will one day in the end better prepare us to face end in death. Nothing else causes more fear the final curtain ourselves, or the pain of and sorrow than this inevitable reality. Yet, losing a loved one? in this knowledge lies both bondage and liberation. Death is loss. Death is a letting Death follows life and life should follow go. death. The best preparation or response to death would be to build a multi-faceted life Behind every painful experience is loss. And for oneself - family, friends, work, hobbies, one of the deepest pains is that of losing a sports, creativity, social service, prayer, dearly beloved. But grief, like life itself, is dreams etc. also a cycle. The phases a person facing his/her own imminent death are similar to The clock of life is wound but once, what a bereaved person goes through. And no man has the power, To tell just when the hands will stop, Initially there is shock, a numbing of feeling. At late or early hour. This is followed by denial. No! It can't be! Now - is the only time you own. Then may come anger. Why? Why? Why? Live, Love, Work with a Will. Depression may then take over the person. Place no faith in tomorrow, for What's the use of anything, anyway? But The clock may then be still. this is not the end of the process, which would be followed by acceptance and a Living in the Now is the way to happiness. moving on. Do what needs to be done today, so there is no regret or fear tomorrow. Live life today The different phases and how long each and do not waste it crying over yesterday or lasts depend upon the individual person. If worrying about tomorrow. This is the the pain is deep and unbearable, these choice we have to make, because finally, it emotions may be suppressed, which could is a choice that we make, knowingly or interfere with a healthy grieving process. unknowingly, with very different results. Each phase is important and the feelings generated, though intense, should be In 'The Prophet', Kahlil Gibran writes: acknowledged and dealt with at the 'You would know the secret of death. person's own pace.. Getting permanently But how shall you find it unless you seek it or inordinately stuck in denial, anger or in the heart of life? depression would be very unfortunate The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind indeed. It would be a defeat of life itself. unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. The only triumph over death is life. I may If you would indeed behold the spirit of not have control over how long I live, but I death, open your heart wide unto the definitely have control over how I choose to body of life. live it. For some of us, the fear of death

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For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.’ We cannot separate death from life. We cannot hide away from death. It is only by embracing life fully that we will be able to face death (both, in ourselves as well as in our loved ones) with equanimity. The true strength and power of the human spirit can only be known by soaring to its heights as well as plumbing its depths. Then we will be able to understand the beautiful Jewish teaching (Courtesy Dr. Jaime Rangel): 'There are three ascending levels of how one mourns: With tears - that is the lowest. With silence - that is higher. And with a song - that is the highest.’ by Dr. Belinda Viegas (Dr. Belinda Viegas is a practising psychiatrist based in Goa. She is the author of the books ‘The Cry of the Kingfisher’, ‘Goa Maaza’ and ‘The Golden Gate’)

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BETSY PINTO-NUNES, GOA Betsy Pinto-Nunes, married Albert in 1954, was widowed five years later, at 26, with two children, Cynthia and Douglas. She established a Secretarial Bureau in 1965, the first by a Goan Kenyan woman. Meeting women in difficult circumstances, led her to start voluntary social work in 1976. Over the years, Betsy has held senior posts in national service organisations. She remarried and with Richard, retired from Kenya to Goa in 2008. Sadly, discovering she could not continue with active voluntary social service, she and Janis, agreed to set up an online network for Women, resulting in Goanet-Femnet, which will be kindly hosted by Goanet. Our grateful thanks to the Moderators for agreeing to give women a voice on the internet. It is her hope and prayer that, with the support of Founder Members, Subscribers and Contributors of articles, GoanetFemnet will go from strength to strength, besides helping, sharing and caring for other women.

JANIS MWOSA, KENYA Janis Mwosa is a retired management trainer and human resources manager. She headed the bank training schools of the two largest banks in Kenya. She loves to write and is the coauthor of two secondary school English language textbooks. She has a passion for helping women and is currently doing volunteer work as a life/career coach. She met her Kenyan husband in university in America and has lived in Kenya for more than 40 years. Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

COLLEEN D'SOUZA, CANADA She was born and raised in Nairobi, Kenya, and immigrated to Canada in l973. Her husband, Oswald, continues to dish out his daily dose of fine cuisine, topped with spoonfuls of love and devotion! Their son, Francis, is a TV anchor and his wife, Missy, a dentist. Colleen started off as a personal secretary and ended up in Administration Management - a career spanning 40 years - finding her niche in the transportation industry. She is now semi-retired and is a doting Nana to three boys – a rambunctious two-year old and a set of six-month old twins. In her extensive travels around the world, and in assisting family and friends, she has been truly inspired by how human frailty can rise above all odds, facing each new day with enthusiasm, humility and unwavering faith and looks forward to sharing and embarking on a new journey with her sisters through GoanetFemnet.

PAM GONSALVES, UK With both her daughters at university and her husband Don in full time work, Pam decided to leave home and husband to realise her dream! A one year Oxford University diploma at 53, was a stepping stone to go to university for four years. She graduated in Third World Studies with a year in China teaching English, and learning basic Mandarin, Chinese painting and calligraphy. Pam hopes to encourage and inspire women, that it’s never too late to chase their dreams! Pam is an active campaigner and fundraiser, for charity. As part of Save Goa Campaign UK, Pam and others representing the Goan diaspora world wide, presented signed petitions to the Chief Minister of Goa to stop the rapid spread of all illegal mining in the State. Page 5

MAFALDA-ANNE (Mafie) DESA, UK Born 1950 Nairobi Kenya, an idyllic life and valued education ensued. The family left for London 1968 and Mafie aged 18, commenced employment in Cash Ledgers/ Foreign currencies. This background led her to Banking, eventually managing Debt Control. Seeking to diversify 2002, she chose academia and is currently an Examinations Officer. Married Telecoms Manager, Steve Desa 1973 and has a son, Clifton, a Business Analyst. Active on the Social and Badminton scene, with Goan Overseas Association UK, she became PR Director, producing their Ruby brochure 2006. Enjoys travelling and an annual trip to the Desa ancestral home in Goa is a must. An avid reader and keen writer, she embraces the concept of Goanet-Femnet, - to engage and interact globally.

JAYA EARNEST, AUSTRALIA Jaya Earnest is Associate Professor of International Health & Director of Graduate Studies in Health Sciences at Curtin University, Perth, Western Australia (WA). She has worked for 26 years in India, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, East Timor and Australia. Her research focuses on refugee and migrant women & youth. Jaya is passionate about social justice issues and is a board member of the Public Health Association of Australia & Centacare Employment and Training, is on the UN Women Perth Chapter committee, and a Life Member of the Goan Overseas Association of WA. Jaya strongly believes that her teaching and research should make a difference and instils this in her students. She has a supportive husband and two young adult children and enjoys reading, travelling, and cooking/entertaining… so feel free to come and visit her and her family in sunny Perth.

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MARIE-DALE (M-d) PAIS, GOA Born and brought up in Goa, she married Rohit Pinto in 2011. A management professional with five years of experience in the field of human resources, she felt that a job in a company was not fulfilling enough. Encouraged by family and her husband, she recently had a change in career by starting off her own business together with her husband. They are now the proud owners of PhotoGenie, a small store in Margao - Goa, providing digital imaging services and photo products. She brings her expertise in this field into Goanet-Femnet by helping design and frame this newsletter, and looks forward to the newsletter helping women around the globe.

CYNTHIA PINTOMCDONNELL, UK Cynthia did her schooling at Loreto Convent, Nairobi, and Millfield, Somerset. She completed her BSc at London School of Economics, U.K and MA from George Washington University, U.S.A., in social psychology. She is married to John M c D o n n e l l , a L a b o u r M . P. representing Hayes and Harlington constituency. She has one son, Joseph. Cynthia has worked for several international Research Companies and is now a Director of Electoral Reform Services, U.K. She has written several papers and delivered speaking engagements. Her personal voluntary activities include: 2002 – present Governor of Dr. Triplett's Primary School, 2011 Trustee of Schools HR Cooperative, 2011, Chair of the Patients Participation Group of Hayes Medical Centre. She enjoys sailing, theatre and travelling and is proud to join Goanet-Femnet as a Founder Member.

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