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RecoveryToday addiction, recovery and sobriety

Issue 37, December 2017

Being Addicted to Looking, Feeling, and Being YOUR Best

The Painting and The Piano

James Swanwick

Exclusive Interview

w Intervie

Darryl Strawberry Don’t Give Up on Me!

Mike Lindell

Inventor of MyPillow, shares His Sobriety Story.

Hang Your Hope On The Horizon and Walk Towards It Everyday on Grace Trail

Content

Narcissus and Echo: The Heartbreak of 03 Relationships with Narcissists By Darlene Lancer Being Addicted to Looking, Feeling, and Being YOUR Best

06 by Aaron Barnes

Hang Your Hope On The Horizon and Walk 08 Towards It Everyday on Grace Trail by Anne Barry Jolles Restoring Your Brain Chemistry with Supplements

10 by Hyla Cass, MD

Darryl Strawberry

14 Exclusive Interview That time of year

17 Poems By Jasen Courtepatte Mike Lindell

20 Exclusive Interview Finding Joy

22 by Jean LaCour My Favorite Word

24 By Mindy Halderman From “the Network” Spotlight

28 Recovery Today Network

Chris Cross The Nation (the Finish line)

33 Hope Across the Country

Ending the Stigma Starts with Us

36 Our Readers Speak James Swanwick

38 Exclusive Interview Why Self Care is a Necessity for Human Funct ioning

40 By Kelley Kitley

The Painting and The Piano

42 By John Lipscomb & Adrianne Lugo Tips For Setting New Year’s Intentions

44 by Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Certified Recovery coach

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issue 37, December 2017

| recovery today magazine

The Heartbreak of Relationships with Narcissists The Myth of Narcissus and Echo The beautiful forest nymph Echo had been punished by Juno for talking too much. She could only repeat the last words of others. Echo spotted handsome Narcissus and became infatuated. She tried to call to him, yet couldn’t. One day, she caught his attention, but he rudely spurned her, as he had many women before. Humiliated, Echo fled in shame. Nevertheless, her love for Narcissus grew. As punishment, Nemesis, goddess of revenge, cast a spell on him. When Narcissus next noticed his reflection in a pool of water, he believed that he’d finally found someone worthy and became entirely absorbed with his own beautiful image, not realizing it was himself.

Narcissus and Echo were tragic Greek characters described by Ovid in Metamorphoses. This poignant myth crystallizes the problem of relationships with narcissists. Sadly, both partners are locked into a tragic drama.

Unable to get Narcissus’ attention, Echo’s obsession and depression grew. After many years, she wastes away pining for Narcissus, only leaving behind her echo. He eventually committed suicide, consumed by his impossible love, leaving a flower in his place. Understanding Narcissists Like the myth, narcissists feel superior and have disdain for vulnerability or any sign of weakness. Command of their

Recovery today magazine

| issue 37, December 2017

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feelings and of other people is all important. Without control they feel weak, inferior, and humiliated. Instead, they try to demonstrate independence, courage, and strength. They may embarrass family and friends with their boasting, exploitation of others, and obnoxious sense of entitlement, regardless of the consequences. Surprisingly, most narcissists are codependent, too. They’re dependent upon others to reflect back a positive self-image. They’re hypersensitive to any challenge to their illusion of being the best, even where none exist. They arrogantly defend their image at all costs through projection, abuse, or unleashing their narcissistic rage. Trying to please them is impossible, like trying to fill a bottomless pit―their inner emptiness.

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Understanding Echo Whereas Narcissus is self-absorbed, Echo is other-absorbed. Like Echo, partners of narcissists idealize them. They admire their bold, take-charge attitude. They, in contrast, feel needless or guilty asserting themselves. Caretaking and pleasing give them a sense of purpose and value― codependency. They may not believe they have any rights and naturally go along or put others first, sometimes self-sacrificing. This allows a narcissist to easily manipulate, abuse and exploit them. They accept the blame and try to be more understanding. The Narcissistic Relationship It’s easy to fall in love with narcissists. They’re seen as charming, confident, open, and entertaining. Their alluring performance is designed to win trust and love. Difficulties arise in


It’s easy to fall in love with narcissists. They’re seen as charming, confident, open, and entertaining. longer narcissistic relationships. At home and after a romantic prelude, they act totally different. Once you’re hooked, they lack the motivation to maintain a façade and soon become disappointed in their partner. Their criticisms escalate, and they may act distant and dismissive. In vain attempts to win approval and stay connected, partners tread on eggshells, fearful of displeasing the narcissist. They worry what he or she will think or do, and become preoccupied with the relationship. They have to fit in to the narcissists’ cold world and get used to living in an emotional desert.

The relationship revolves around the narcissist, while others are viewed merely as objects to use in order to manage the narcissist’s needs and fragile self-esteem. Embarrassed partners watch their mate flirt with a cashier, cut to the front of the line, or castigate a clerk or waitress. They must contend with demands, judgments, and self-centeredness. They’re expected to appreciate the narcissist’s specialness, meet his or her needs when needed and are dismissed when they don’t. Narcissists put themselves first, and their partners concur. Both agree that the narcissist is great and that his or

her mate isn’t and should sacrifice! This makes their relationship work... in the beginning. Eventually, the partner feels drained, hurt, resentful, disrespected, and lonely. Many partners of narcissists sadly pine away for years longing to feel respected, important, appreciated, and cared about. Their self-esteem suffers. They risk turning into empty shells of their former selves. Even though Narcissus and Echo both long for love, Narcissus can neither give love, nor receive the love Echo offers. You have more power than you think. Discover how to raise

your self-esteem, find your voice, and how to determine whether your relationship can improve. There are many things you can do to significantly better your relationship with anyone highly defensive or abusive, as described in Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Your Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People. This workbook includes a quiz for narcissism and also sets forth criteria that can help you decide if you’re considering ending a relationship with a narcissist. It’s available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at Smashwords in formats for iPad and other devices. © DarleneLancer 2017

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert on relationships and codependency. She’s the author of two books: Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You and Codependency for Dummies. Ms. Lancer has counseled individuals and couples for 27 years and coaches internationally. She’s a sought after speaker at national conferences, on radio, and to professional groups and institutions. DarleneLancer.com



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Aaron Barnes. Founder of SoberCoaching.com I believe in a world where people don’t have to trade one harmful addiction for another. It’s the status quo to many of those in the sober community, trading out drugs and alcohol for sweets, nicotine, or other unhealthy cross addictions. I am convinced that commitment to great health is a critical component of longterm sobriety. My personal platform for maintaining sobriety is to constantly improve my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

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Being Addicted to Looking, Feeling, and Being YOUR Best How can I get started with physical fitness? Start off with something simple like walking. When can you start? Right now! You don’t need a gym, a treadmill, or a spin bike. All you need is just your own two feet and some fresh air. If struggling to stay consistent, find a personal trainer or work out partner. Preferably find someone who is also in recovery, and then map out a realistic game plan. Take out a piece of paper and write down what’s holding you back from working out. On the other side, write down a logical way to solve each item on the list. Visualize your desired outcome! You will look and feel better, you will


free yourself from negative coping mechanisms, and you will realize the rewarding benefits of great health. Become addicted to your process not your progress, because fitness is a marathon not a sprint. Exercising twenty minutes a day is better than four hours once a month, so consistency is the key. Why is fitness so important to those in recovery? When an addict is recovering from addiction, their mind and body are working against them. The body and mind desperately miss whatever was producing endorphins in the brain responsible for the feeling of

being “high.” Along with everyday life stress, which can often intensify cravings, the recovery process can be an epic battle between the addict and their cravings. This is why staying focused on physical fitness and remaining active is so important in the lives of recovering addicts. Being active and working out several times a week is an important element, or influence, in an addict’s long-term sobriety. Where can I start my physical transformation? Gym memberships in today’s world can be very affordable. Sometimes as low as $10 per month, and most cities have several fitness centers to choose from. Find a gym close to where you live or work, makes you feel comfortable, and it a good fit for YOU. If the gym is not your jam, then turn to the great outdoors and workout at a local park, on the beach, on a playground, or wherever you can. If you can afford a personal trainer, I strongly recommend you hire one. Look for a trainer who is deeply invested in their own physical fitness. Preferably one who is also in recovery or supports those in recovery. Personal trainers help keep you safe, accountable, and will push you to exceed your personal fitness goals. You can even buy an inexpensive used set of weights and watch YouTube videos from reputable trainers on how to workout from the comfort of your own home. Don’t make

Click and Play any excuses for not working out several times a week. YOU CAN DO IT! What do I do in my own fitness program? Fitness is a HUGE part of my recovery. It’s always included in my daily routine, no different than brushing my teeth. Some days I have time to work out for 45 minutes, while other days I immerse myself in recovery mode being there for several hours. I go to a small, clean, upbeat, personal training gym (Todd Smith Fitness) where everybody knows your name…CHEERS! There is never a shortage of comradery or good laughs at my home gym. It’s one of the main reasons I keep going back. I believe it is imperative in recovery to surround yourself with happy, healthy, active people, and the gym is usually a good place to find individuals with these characteristics. When I work out in a supportive group setting, I feel a sense of belonging and human connection in which I LOVE! Another benefit of having a personal

trainer is I learned proper lifting techniques and the other do’s & don’ts of lifting weights. In addition, my trainers are there every day to support and motive me. My love for fitness and helping other addicts is a healthy addiction for me that played a significant role in my decision to become a personal trainer. I was fortunate enough to spend this past summer as a personal trainer at Passages in Southern California where I attended rehab in 2015. What a humbling experience to return to the place my sober journey began and train those just starting their own pathway to recovery. You could say this past summer I was paying it forward, turning a mess into a message, or just say it was another perfect event the Universe placed in front of me to show others how fitness can help significantly increase their success at long-term sobriety.

Aaron Barnes is a nationally certified recovery coach and personal trainer dedicated to helping addicts from all walks of life get and stay sober. He began drinking and using drugs in his late teenage years. After a long struggle with various substance and behavioral addictions, Aaron entered his 3rd treatment facility in Southern California for Oxycodone, cocaine, and alcohol addiction. He has been clean since March 6th, 2015. http://SoberCoaching.com Recovery today magazine


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Hang Your Hope On The Horizon and Walk Towards It

Everyday on Grace Trail With the opioid crisis, veterans’ struggles and contentious political climate, it takes a lot of resiliency to walk through the confusion and negativity we face these days. But, for those in recovery and their loved ones, resiliency levels may already feel stretched too thin. As daily challenges threaten to nudge us down darker roads, how can we choose our own direction and steer towards hope and possibility? I created the Grace Trail® resiliency model to help me cope when my son was in combat in Afghanistan. Since, it has helped me and thousands of others through some very tough periods. Having grown up in an alcoholic home and then watching many family members struggle with addictions or marry addicts, I’ve seen how Grace Trail takes on new meaning in these situations. This simple, yet impactful process begins with gratitude and ends with hope. I hear from people all over the country who are walking their own Grace Trails and finding the relief they yearn for. Grace Trail is truly the language of recovery.

“GRACE”

is an acronym with five questions that naturally flow from each word: 8



The best place to start Grace Trail is right at the beginning, with gratitude. Gratitude is an instant antidote to the negativity, worry and hopelessness that can easily overtake us. I have seen people find their footing in the mess of their lives just by asking that first question… “What am I grateful for?” Research shows that focusing on what is right, strong and true improves our attitudes, sense of well-being and resiliency. Questioning what we’re grateful for prepares us to ask and answer the other four Grace Trail questions (see below). These may be simple questions, but the answers aren’t always so simple… That’s where courage comes in. I challenge you to ask these five questions at the beginning of each day or any time you need an attitude adjustment. People share with me daily about how these simple questions help them manage their thoughts and emotions so they can proceed, step by step, in the direction of their choice.

Gratitude: Even though life is difficult, what am I Grateful for? Release: What do I need to Release to move forward? Accept: What is calling out for Acceptance in my life? Challenge: What Challenge would I like to choose for myself to move forward? Embrace: What can I Embrace as possible in my precious life?

The Grace Trail concept actually began as an actual inspirational trail in my hometown of Plymouth, MA. Since 2012, thousands have walked its path, but you don’t have to come to Plymouth to walk Grace Trail. You can walk it anywhere, anytime, with anyone just by asking those five questions and listening for your own answers. Recovery involves taking hope and hanging it on the horizon where you can see it every day, so you can walk towards it. Grace Trail helps you take those steps. You got this!

Anne Barry Jolles (www.GraceTrail.com) is an adult child of an alcoholic, a renowned life coach, TEDx speaker and international award-winning author. She thrives on working with courageous people wishing to transform the way they live and work and are willing to do what it takes to get there. Blending life experiences and research, Anne created the Grace Trail® and has shared it with thousands as it evolved for over a decade. The Trail has many forms, including an actual trail in Plymouth, MA, virtual trails, workshops, webinars and retreats. Her best-selling book “Grace Trail: Find Your Footing and Move Toward The Life You Were Meant To Live” was recommended by Jack Canfield, “Chicken Soup for the Soul” co-creator, and is available at major booksellers. Visit Anne’s website to learn more. For a daily dose of grace, check out Anne’s latest product; Grace Trail Hope Cards: an inspirational deck of 57 cards with Grace Trail questions and beautiful images to inspire you and nourish your curiosity as you access hope and build resiliency.



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Restoring Your Brain Chemistry with Supplements Depression, anxiety, panic, obsessions, addictions and memory loss and even, fatigue are too often considered issues of “mind over matter,” best treated with psychotherapy or medication. The truth is that rather than being psychologically impaired, you may simply be deficient in specific brain nutrients! The keys to our mood, behavior, and mental performance are the brain’s chemical messengers called neurotransmitters, made from the nutrients that we ingest. As these messengers travel around your brain and nervous system, they help determine how well we think and feel. Here are the main players and their actions:

GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) is the “cool,” calming, and relaxing neurotransmitter Dopamine and noradrenaline (or norepinephrine) are the “feel-good” neurotransmitters that energize, focus and motivate you.

Acetylcholine helps with thinking, memory, and concentration. Serotonin is the “happy,” calming neurotransmitter that also enhances sleep. When these neurotransmitters are out of balance, you may feel depressed, anxious, stressed and unmotivated. You may also have impaired memory and sleep, as well as a painful condition called fibromyalgia. Balanced neurotransmitters, on the other hand, will help you feel calm and happy, able to think and remember clearly, lose your pain, and sleep soundly. Ever hear the phrase, “You are what you eat?” Well, it definitely applies to the brain. Proteins,

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fats, and carbohydrates, as well as a myriad of micronutrients are needed for optimal brain function. Our ingested protein is broken down by digestive processes into its component amino acids. The important amino acids for optimal brain function are tryptophan, tyrosine, GABA, glutamine and glycine. They are converted into neurotransmitters with the help of cofactors, or chemical helpers including vitamins B3, B6, B12, C, and folic acid (folate), and the minerals zinc, copper, and magnesium. Magnesium is a calming mineral, and its deficiency can lead to anxiety. You also need fish-oil based omega -3 fatty acids. Fats comprise about 60% of each brain cell, providing the complex, pliable

Fibromyalgia patients often have low levels of serotonin, and 5 -HTP has been helpful in relieving their symptoms by promoting deep sleep.

cell wall in which neurotransmitter activity takes place. Then there’s glucose (blood sugar), required for fuel. Amazingly, that little three-pound organ, your brain, can use up to half of the body’s glucose at any one time. That’s why we feel so good when we have a sugar high—it goes right to our brain, where it’s burned for fuel. The same is true of processed foods, alcohol, and caffeine. You’ll get a quick high, but in a short time, they are metabolized, and your body wants more. Stay on that sugar roller coaster and eventually you’ll start suffering from blood sugar dips and increasing mood swings. In addition to foods, certain medications, including antihistamines, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, nar-

cotics and recreational drugs can affect your brain chemistry, as discussed in my book, Supplement Your Prescription. Depression and Anxiety: In my own practice, I evaluate patients for specific deficiencies, then supply the missing nutrients. In depression, there is often a lack of mood-stabilizing serotonin, made from the essential amino acid tryptophan. This is found in protein-containing foods such as turkey, chicken, cottage cheese, avocados, bananas, and wheat germ. Supplementation with the amino acid 5-hydroxytryptophan (5 HTP), a downstream metabolite of tryptophan, can help your brain manufacture more serotonin. Fibromyalgia patients often have low levels of serotonin, and 5 -HTP

has been helpful in relieving their symptoms by promoting deep sleep. The “catecholamine” or stimulating neurotransmitters, adrenaline, norepinephrine, and dopamine, also found in protein foods, are the brain chemicals associated with motivation, focus, and energy. Deficiencies can result in cravings for a sugar, coffee, stress, or alcohol “high.” The good news is that supplementation with the amino acids tyrosine and phenylalanine can help your brain manufacture more of the energizing catecholamines. Add in the amino acid, glutamine, which goes right to the brain, and those cravings become history. In cases of anxiety, there is a deficiency in the neurotransmitter GABA, the brain’s “chill-factor.”



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anti-oxidant, protecting against free radicals. It also helps balance glucose and insulin in thse with blood sugar imbalances.

Over my many years of practice, I have found that patients did better when I simplified their program, as I did in Brain Recovery AM & PM capsules containing all the brain essentials mentioned here.

Balanced blood sugar levels, essential for sustained mood and energy, require a diet that contains complex carbs as opposed to simple sugars, as well as the micronutrients chromium, vanadium, glutamine, and alpha lipoic acid (ALA). ALA does double or even triple duty: it helps the liver with its job of detoxification, and acts along with N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC) as a high powered

Over my many years of practice, I have found that patients did better when I simplified their program, as I did in Brain Recovery AM & PM capsules containing all the brain essentials mentioned here. The AM capsules contain the more energizing amino acids, while the PM capsules, the more calming ones. This program assured that they were taking their supplements, at the right times, in the right proportions, with no need to deal with multiplesbottles. The results have been gratifying, with increased compliance and greater overall success. Fro more information on this and other natural ways to balance mind and mood, please come to my website. You can also submit your name and email there and receive my free e-book, ‘Reclaim Your Brain.’ All at http://cassmd.com.

Hyla Cass, MD is a physician, psychiatrist and frequently quoted expert in the area of natural approaches to mental and physical health. She combines the best of leading-edge natural medicine with the modern science in her clinical practice, writings, lectures, and nationwide media appearances-- on radio, TV (including The Dr. Oz Show, The View, & E-Entertainment), and in various local and national publications, including the Huffington Post. She helps individuals withdraw from psychiatric medications and substances of abuse, or to avoid medication altogether, through the use of specific natural supplements. She has created a unique, high quality line of nutritional supplements, and is the author of several popular books including Supplement Your Prescription, Natural Highs, 8 Weeks to Vibrant Health, and The Addicted Brain and How to Break Free. Check out her website: www.cassmd.com.

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Be Inspired Every Day In Your Recovery



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Darryl Strawberry Interviewed by Actor / Director Daniel Baldwin

“Don’t Give Up on Me!” 14



Exclusive Interview with

Darryl Strawberry

Click and Play

Interviewed by Actor / Director Daniel Baldwin

Darryl Strawberry is one of the greatest to ever play the game of baseball. He may also be one of the greatest, most approachable men we’ve met and certainly his personal story of tragedy, hope, redemption and victory is one of the most inspiring we’ve heard. For baseball fans, his accolades in the game are …stupendous.

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World Series Titles: New York Mets ‘86, New York Yankess ‘96, ‘98, ‘99 • 8 Time National League All-Star (‘84-’91) • National League Homerun Leader (‘88) • 1983 National League Rookie of the Year: Mets • 1983 Topps All-Star Rookie of the Year • 2 Time NL Silver Slugger Award (‘88) • National League Slugging Percentage Leader (‘88) • 20 Home Run Seasons 10x’s over (‘83-’91, ‘98) • 30 Home Run Seasons 3x’s over (‘87, ‘88, ‘90) • 100 RBI Seasons 3x’s over (‘87, ‘88, ‘90) • 100 Runs Scored Seasons 2x’s over (‘87 & ‘88) • Hall of Fame Nomination in 2004

Playing right field through the 80s and into the early 90s, the “Straw Man”, as he was called, was one of the most feared men ever to step foot into the batters box. Legendary for his crushing, opponentdemoralizing home runs, he made many of the pitchers he faced tremble at the sight of his 6-foot-6 frame with his long, looping swing, many fans compared to the Great Ted Williams. As great and public as his triumphs were on the field, his tragedies were equally great and equally public. Plagued with addiction, abuse, divorce, jail and twice battling cancer, Darryl’s come back story, his redemption and restoration through Jesus Christ, along with his vision for others and tireless work

He thrilled millions of fans who followed his 17 year career from the New York Mets, the Los Angeles Dodgers, the San Francisco Giants and the New York Yankees.



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ethic is perhaps a greater story than anything he ever accomplished on the baseball diamond. “I was once very lost and tormented, but now I am found and free in Christ Jesus. I want everyone to experience the saving and transforming power of Jesus Christ.” - Darryl Strawberry Today, Darryl and his wife Tracy travel the country with their ministry and are enthusiastically received, speaking at churches and events from coast

to coast. Their purpose and passion is evangelizing Christ, breaking addiction, healing marriages and transparently sharing Darryl’s own story of redemption in an effort to help even a single person to find hope and to transform their life through the restorative power of the Gospel. We had the opportunity as Darryl took time from his tireless schedule to sit with us in the Recovery Today studios for this inspiring interview with fellow recovering addict, Actor, Director Daniel Baldwin. Everything is covered in this interview, which is sure to give hope, even to the hopeless. Enjoy. - Article by Rob Hannley, Producer, Recovery Today Magazine

To connect with Darryl and his ministry, please visit http://StrawberryMinistries.com

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Jasen Courtepatte is a respected professional in society, loving family man and is a recovering alcoholic. Finding sobriety, Jasen now speaks at various venues such as hospitals, recovery centres, detox facilities and colleges. Jasen spends much of his life to helping other alcoholics, as he knows first hand the struggles and pains associated with this very painful disease. It does kill, but there is hope. Find Jasen’s book “Alcoholic Poetry” on Amazon. Helping people identify if they may or may not have a problem.

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Resolutions 2018

Another Year has Passed If You or Someone You Love Is Still Battling Addiction, Now is the Time

SOBA Texas It Starts with a Phone Call Call Us Now to Talk 866-212-0071



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Mike Lindell Mike Lindell is the inventor and CEO of MyPillow®

As the CEO of a very successful, USA manufactured product, Mike met with President, Donald Trump Sherry Gaba, Editor of Recovery Today Magazine had the distinct opportunity to interview Mike Lindell, the inventor of the highly publicized MyPillow. However, Mike is not just the inventor of MyPillow, he knows the battle of addiction. Lindell abused heavy drugs much of his life, starting with cocaine in 1982. He switched to crack cocaine in the late 1990s. By spring 2008, his drug use had gotten so bad that his three crack dealers got together and did something that defies logic:

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they attempted an intervention and refused to sell to him again. Lindell’s drug abuse finally ended Jan. 16, 2009 when MyPillow was beginning to become a household name. Mike sold the product on the road, trade shows and state fairs. Mike knew if he didn’t quit using, his dreams could never come true. He attributes quitting drugs to God answering his prayer removing his desire to use again and has been sober ever since. His Minnesota-based company has been around for more than


a decade and has sold more than 26 million MyPillows. Mike started the business in his garage. Tired of not ever sleeping well, he set out to design a pillow that would adjust to each individual’s needs. He spent two years coming up with the patented fill, ensuring MyPillow® would be breathable and would hold its shape all night long. Mike heard a lot of “no’s” in those early years, but never gave up on his passion to share his pillow with the world. MyPillow® now has 1,600 employ-

ees and took in $280 million in revenue last year. MyPillow® is 100% made in America and was the QVC Product Concept of the Year in 2013. Mike built his business on the desire to help people, the promise to listen to his customers and his love of his community and country. His newest project, The Lindell Foundation, is a way to expand that work and

help the poorest of the poor. Through Encircle, donors are able to choose the need that touches them the most. 100% of donations go directly to that need. The Lindell Foundation has already helped thousands of people around the world, and Mike and his team are just getting started. Mike is proof that if you work hard and never give up, you can live your dream. http://www.michaeljlindell.com/

His Minnesota-based company has been around for more than a decade and has sold more than 26 million MyPillows.

Interview with Mike Lindell Interviewed by Recovery Today Magazine, Editor, Sherry Gaba, LCSW



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Finding Anticipation is a wonderful emotion that brings with it the question, what important thing is coming? Anticipation is energizing and helps us to look forward and plan. There is usually much anticipation around the holidays. They can remind us of good times or delightful childhood memories. But we know that holidays surrounded by addiction can also remind us of disappointing or even disastrous experiences. There is good news to help us during this season. Research in Emotional Intelligence and in brain science is giving us practical ways we can shift our emotional responses. This is important in recovery as we

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are learning how to avoid the triggers that can ambush us and our recovery. And I have more good news for you. Each one of us can anticipate finding JOY during the holidays once we understand what is at the heart of JOY. We have come to understand that JOY truly means “GLAD TO BE WITH YOU.” Our brains are wired in such a way that when someone is glad to be with us, they communicate this at lightning speed through their eyes to our brains. Our brain experiences their gladness even before we see other facial expressions. That good feeling we experience


is actually brain based JOY… amazing. It is not some exciting boisterous glee like winning the lottery, which is a good emotion too. But that is not the deep interpersonal exchange that warms the heart. Babies and young children are very tuned to these nonverbal cues. If you have been around 12 step rooms for any amount of time, you have seen this happen on many occasions. Perhaps it happened to you the first few times you had the courage to go inside and find a chair. Someone’s eyes met yours and they were, in fact, glad to see YOU. And after a while, you were the person who was actually glad to see and to be with the newcomer.

So how can you find Joy this holiday? Find a few minutes to get quiet, perhaps take a few deep breaths and let your body relax.

You may remember a counselor or a neighbor or even a stranger who seemed to see inside of you and smile in recognition. Some of us have a pet who is glad to be with us.

Do you have someone in your life who is glad to be with you, perhaps a friend or family member or sponsor? Someone who can touch your heart? Close your eyes and see their face in your mind’s eye…. How does this feel? Did your heart stir? Did a smile come to your face?

When you discover that person, whether they are in your life now or were in the past, allow yourself to appreciate them. Let gratitude arise and overcome any other negative feelings such as loss or regret. You may even want to journal about that person and what you appreciate about them.

During the holidays, go ahead, anticipate finding Joy in new ways. And you may find, as you let yourself become a source of Joy for others , your own Joy may multiply in unexpected ways.

Dawn Nickel is an accomplished and versatile leader and the creator of She Recovers, currently the largest online platform dedicated to supporting women in recovery from addiction and related life challenges. Dawn started her journey of recovery from drug addiction in 1987, and will celebrate 17 years of continuous clean time in May. She is a strong advocate for the view that each woman in or seeking recovery must be supported to find the tools and pathways that will work best for her as an individual. In the summer of 2011, while recovering from a serious case of workaholism, Dawn decided to apply what she knew about recovery to that area of her life. On an extended leave from work, Dawn began to blog and created the She Recovers Facebook Page to share her journey and to reach out to other women wanting to recover their lives and their potential. Since 2012, she has dedicated herself to creating and holding space (online and off) for women in recovery to connect with themselves, and with other like-hearted women.

Jean LaCour PhD is a Global Recovery Expert and Thought Leader who has trained in 25 nations. She cofounded NET Institute Center for Addiction and Recovery Education and trained thousands of people worldwide in Professional Addiction Counseling and Recovery Support Services while serving on state, national and UN initiatives. She founded the Int’l Association of Professional Recovery Coaches to enrich and expand the Recovery Experience to enhance vibrant personal wholeness and wellness beyond sobriety, and to increase Addiction Recovery career options focused on strengths and holistic transformation. RecoveryCoachTraining.com



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Families Speak

My Favorite Word

Mindy Halderman: Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

I am the Mother of an addict. Like many who hear about or personally experience the ravaging effects of addiction, it took some serious convincing for me to totally consider it a “disease.” In fact, I was pretty self-righteous about it. I told myself you don’t see a cancer patient or diabetic stealing from the jewelry box of a family member, or damaging the people that love and need them. I didn’t have an informed understanding of it. I was certain I could outsmart and consequence my son out of addiction. I was the sharp tongue’d, correct handling, consequence forcing, perfect model of a non-enabler. I was a very hard sell, but I have come to believe my son’s addiction is a disease, and I am powerless over it. Similar to how someone diagnosed with a heart condition needs to make serious lifestyle changes, an addict must renovate their entire life in order to

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arrest and recover from the diseased thinking and cravings that began with the choice to pick up their particular substance in the beginning. Brain chemistry changes once someone becomes gripped, and that is often innocently done, based on injury or falling under influence. It can and it does happen to anyone. I have learned that brain chemistry becomes diseased; causing need and craving to bypass their love of family and often ethics. People raised to know better can become desperate and criminal. Needing their next fix as much as their lungs need oxygen. It is only the person addicted who can choose the road to recovery. We can affect that path, but we cannot control it. I have never understood this more than after witnessing a relapse. My son went into recovery 3 years ago but had two relapse setbacks, each with a worse


set of circumstances. Once we start to get our lives back on track after addiction hits a family and the addict begins to recover, a relapse can feel more crushing than when you found out they were addicted to begin with. We hope they’ve sobered up once and forever. I have realized that relapses are part of recovery and that the addiction is not about me. It’s not a personal attack on me. It is about the fact that the disease is chronic and recovery has to be consistent and taken serious. I have also realized that if we all live through it and consequences aren’t too damaging, so much can be learned. The most valuable thing I learned is how to separate my peace of mind and detach my well-being from his roller coaster. Sure there will be triggers, and it’s all painful and terrifying. But I don’t have to live in the ups and downs or run alongside the craziness of anyone else’s choices.

I had to learn how to calm myself and separate from the noise and chaos as it’s happening. It is possible!

In the midst of my son’s relapse, I stepped out of the storm. I found my own peace and serenity and discovered what has become my favorite word. Equanimity.

myself to turn to my breath for a moment. I take a step back in the midst and inhale a 4 count breath, hold it for 2 counts and exhale it for 4 counts. I do this five or six times.

I compare equanimity to trying to do a quiet activity like read, sew or meditate while a loud jackhammer tears up the sidewalk outside your window.

This breathing technique floods peace and oxygen to my extremities and sets my brain on neutral just long enough that I don’t rush into madness with anyone. If I’m still surging with adrenaline, I will take a walk alone or with my dog before I allow myself to react or make any decisions.

I had to learn how to calm myself and separate from the noise and chaos as it’s happening. It is possible! It takes a decision and discipline. I often found when my son would call me in a panic over problems or stress, my mind would begin to triage his issues for him, almost like a reflex. Instead of considering the fact that maybe I’m not supposed to handle it. Very counter intuitive for a parent! But when you are dealing with the disease of addiction, life has to be handled completely different. We can’t jump into the stress with them. You can love someone without taking on their problems. After the relapse I took more classes and learned more ways of handling my role as the Mom of an addict. One great method I use if stress erupts, and I need to stop and calm myself, is a breathing exercise. I remind

Another thing I learned after the relapse was to fully lean on the “3 C’s.” 1. We didn’t Cause it 2. We can’t Control it and 3. We can’t Cure it. To expand on those: Cause: At this point blaming who, what, where, why and how the addiction started or why relapse occurred is futile. This train of thought only adds to the misery and distracts from handling it in functional, healthy ways. This pertains to past, present as much as potential substance abuse. I can’t live in fear that by saying/doing the wrong thing, I will send him spiraling back into the cycle. I am not the cause of that. Someone who wants to remain clean will do so regardless of stress or

pressure. There will always be stress and pressure! The key is learning to cope without abusing a substance. And that is up to them to develop. Emotionally tiptoeing around someone won’t prevent substance abuse any more than bulldozing and bullying will. Working a program is the way forward. I take care of myself. My priority is to make sure I’m healthy and functional. My health and wellness helps my son choose health and wellness. Participating in the dynamics of his addiction does not. Control: Policing and making sure they are going to meetings, spending time with sober companions, doing what they are supposed to should only be something paid attention to for your own safety and boundaries. Taking control of their life, recovery or participating in the craziness, as it occurs, is not healthy for anyone. Cure: Nothing I can do, say, think, or feel will heal or cure it. I can affect his decisions with



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The stronger and healthier I am…the better chance he has of choosing health for himself. And so finally, with a healthy, unenmeshed relationship with my son, instead of always answering to “Scottie’s Mom,” you can call me Mindy.

healthy boundaries, prayer and faith, by not enabling or participating, and by taking care of myself. Other than that…it is up to him to want it, to work a program and to recover. Scottie and I both went through recovery this time. Simultaneously yet separately. He turned his life back over to treatment and recovery. I found individual peace and equanimity in the eye of his storm. I wholly accept the truth that I can no more control his decisions, navigate his life or prevent his death when it comes to addiction than I can control him getting into a fatal car accident.

All I can do is live gratefully and peacefully within each day, be the best me I can be and have a healthy relationship with my son and anyone else in my life. It is up to him to choose the same. And that is relief beyond words! My son is clean and sober again, doing the work on and for himself. That could change again, but I refuse to live in the fear of it. I choose instead to live in peace and in the present. I LOVE and cherish my son. I want him happy, healthy and OLD! But I am not the author, creator or controller of life. I am not the Higher Power by any means nor do I get to call the shots when it comes to how it unfolds. My son’s life and recovery may not play out like I expect. In fact, most of life doesn’t go according to my exact plans! I’ve made peace with that. That is where I remember to let my faith take over versus my fear. At one time, I thought the happy ending of our story was how “Scottie’s Mom” who spent 20 years researching behavioral science took a strong, healthy, non-enabling approach to his addiction and caused him to get

sober and live well. Now I know nothing could be further from the truth. Even my “healthy,” strong tactics couldn’t save him. I was still enmeshed and participating! I may have helped direct him toward sobriety, but I had no power over it otherwise. The relapse part of our story puts to rest both blame or heroic rescue having any control over my child’s painful addiction. I had done every possible textbook thing and beyond; yet still I was not able to cause, control or cure his way left or right! I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I will never cure it. I can only contribute in healthy (or unhealthy) ways, and I can cope with it. Scottie has to choose recovery for himself and that is when recovery works. The stronger and healthier I am…the better chance he has of choosing health for himself. And so finally, with a healthy, un-enmeshed relationship with my son, instead of always answering to “Scottie’s Mom,” you can call me Mindy. Non Deficere! (Never give up!)

Other than being known as “Scottie’s Mom,” Mindy is a long distance runner, health and wellness advocate and behavioral science researcher. She resides in Columbus, Ohio where she works as an Insurance Agent. She also enjoys writing, yoga and visiting her son in Southern California as often as possible.

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From “the Network” Spotlight Recovery Today Network The most complete and comprehensive professionals services network for Treatment Centers, Therapists and Recovery/ Life Coaches. Connecting our worldwide audience battling the disease of addiction for themselves and those they love, with thousands of treatment centers, therapists, and sober coaches we’ve invited to “the Network” in the addiction recovery field. The intuitive search and detailed listings make it fast and easy to find the help you’re seeking. There is Hope. Always.

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Coaching Spotlight Elizabeth Coker Recovery Coach Call Now 724-822-8218 Location Morning Creek Suwanee, GA 30024 Snapshot Info: (For More Information Visit Her Profile Here)

Everyone is born complete and whole. Often they walk away from themselves for any number of reasons. My job is to help them find their way home, tracking their way back to wholeness and abundance.

One of my greatest honors as a coach has been to watch my clients clarify their life purpose and leverage their success with our collaborative work. This rich and authentic journey identifies their personal and compelling reasons for change

and defines a pathway they can truly champion. Considering the basic human needs we all have and pulling back the curtain of truth, my clients are able to set goals, stay on track and connect

to their deepest potential.” Considering the basic human needs we all have and pulling back the curtain of truth, my clients are able to set goals, stay on track and connect to their deepest potential.



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Therapist Spotlight Kelley Kitley, LCSW Call Now (312) 590-5710 Location Chicago, Illinois Snapshot Info: (For More Information Visit Her Profile Here)

Kelley provides her patients with the highest quality of confidential treatment in a serene retreat like atmosphere, located on The Magnificent Mile in downtown Chicago. She’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has been inspiring clients for the past fifteen years. Kelley is a sought after international women’s mental health expert and author who has appeared in over 100 publications, podcasts, live news, and radio including WGN, NBC, The Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, Self, Shape, and as a columnist for Fitness Magazine, Recovery Connection, and Medium. Kelley has shared her experience, strength, and hope on

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national media outlets such as Dr. Oz and as a TEDx speaker. Kelley has an eclectic array of experience using a holistic approach. Her areas of expertise include anxiety and depression, PTSD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, enhancing relationships with couples, using a short term model called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT.) Kelley also works with patients in longer term treatment to work through trauma,(includ-


ing rape and sexual abuse) eating disorders, substance abuse, loss and phase of life issues.

Click and Play

Treatment Center Spotlight Refocus Melbourne Call Now (03) 9826 0949 Location 459 Toorak Road, Toorak, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Snapshot Info: (For More Information Visit their Profile Here)

Time to Be Free From Addiction? Unique and unsurpassed treatment. Your life is too precious to waste with addiction and your time is too precious to waste on ineffective treatment. When you make the first step to seek help, make sure it is on the best path to success. If you are a family member or partner, we can provide you with understanding and advice when dealing with getting your loved one into treatment. »» What are addicts and alcoholics feeling?

»» Desperation and the window of opportunity »» You cannot do it alone A program that gives you the attention you need to achieve your new life. Our staff understand a successful drug and alcohol rehab centre must provide you with a safe, supportive and enjoyable environment. Clients feel more in control and at ease in a small private focused treatment setting. We feel that our program, limited to 12 participants (with each

having their own personal room), allows us to provide the focus and individual attention necessary to assist you in achieving your goals towards a successful life.

Click and Play



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Treatment Center? Therapist? Coach?

Join Us now As the #1 Addiction, Sobriety and Recovery Magazine worldwide, with tens of thousands of passionate subscribers all over the world sharing our content, attending our events, seeking therapists, counselors, treatment centers, and coaches, for themselves and those they love, there is no source more trusted than Recovery Today and Recovery Today Network. Join “the Network” today and connect with those seeking, sometimes desperately, professional help they can trust.

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Hope Across the Country

Chris Cross The Nation (the Finish Line) He finished. It’s pretty hard to wrap your mind around this even though we’ve been cheering him every mile. He now joins a very exclusive, very tiny group of only about 300 people who have crossed the entire United States, “from sea to shining sea”. Meet Chris Miller, the only person we know of, even of his 300 fellow “super-humans, who accomplished this “feet” (pun intended), for his sole purpose, one near and dear to our hearts at Recovery Today, “to bring awareness to addiction and recovery”.

two things in mind. The first was to finish the next mile; a typical day logging between 20- 40 plus miles and secondly asking people if “they know anyone who’s been affected by addiction”. How cool is that?

Throughout Chris’ journey, which began at Liberty State Park, New Jersey, on July 17, 2017 until his finish at Venice Beach California Dec 13, 2017, Chris has had

From the first we heard of Chris and what he was about to do, we enthusiastically said we’d like to track his progress each mile in every issue we published until

Chris ran nearly every mile by himself, often times running with a baby stroller filled with a sleeping bag, a tent and some other supplies. Sometimes he was followed by his cousin Mike who documented much of the journey in a tiny Winnebago they’d sleep in.

he either quit or made the finish line. We celebrate with him in this amazing accomplishment. Chris and Mike spoke to countless people affected by this deadly disease. People from large, metropolitan cities, to people in the middle of America in tiny towns you’ve never heard of who all share the same stories of tragedy and often triumph over this disease which claimed more lives last year than the entire Vietnam and Iraq war campaigns, …combined! More than 65,000 people lost their lives last year to addiction. When Chris, who has an unnamed family member suffering addiction, heard statistics like these, he thought to himself,



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Click and Play

For 3,000 miles, Chris runs in silence “is there anything at all I could do about this?”. Chris is an elementary school teacher who’s also a passionate and very accomplished runner. Reading an article in a magazine about people running across the US, the thought occurred to him “I could do that and I could shed even a small light on the plight of people in the midst of this battle”. Now he’s done. Crossed the Finish Line. We couldn’t be more thrilled.

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Along the way, Chris and Mike documented their journey and now a new journey begins. Taking all the footage they recorded over this 3,000 plus mile journey over six months, selecting the best parts and distilling it all down to a documentary they’ll soon be releasing. We’ll be cheering for this accomplishment as well. As we promised Chris and Mike many months ago, we invited them to the Recovery Today studios in Los Angeles for an


in-person video interview after they crossed the finish line. Our own Colin “Scummy” Morrison and Recovery Today publisher, Greg Hannley sat with Chris to learn more about what makes him tick and how it feels to do something virtually no one else has ever done, … all with the hope of shedding light on something kept in the dark for so long. Thank you Chris. You’ll LOVE this interview. Chris’ Final Post on Instagram with the last picture of the journey: “How do you sum up the journey of a lifetime? What started well before we left from the Hudson River in middle July, ended on a perfect Pacific Ocean day with friends and family. Arms linked,

Exclusive Interview with

Chris Miller

Click and Play

Interviewed by by Colin “Scummy Morrison and Greg Hannley

we ran the last few steps of an amazing adventure together. For those who joined live on the beach: it meant the world to us. And for those who ran into the ocean with us through the live stream or from afar in spirit: we knew you were there. But this journey is not over. As we drive back to Indiana, we’re reflecting

on the experience. The ups, the downs, the amazing people we met, the stories we heard, and the inspiration that drove CCTN each day. And in the end, we can’t wait to share the story of our journey with you. In the meantime, champion positivity, celebrate the strong, encourage the hopeful, and let’s all take care

of each other. Thanks for being a part of it. #SeeChrisRun” He started Monday July 17th, 2017 in New Jersey. He completed it 5 months later Wednesday Dec 13, 2017 in Venice Beach California. Well done!

Reach out to Chris on Facebook, Instagram (@ChrisCrossTheNation) or from his website http://ChrisCrossTheNation.com and send him a “well done.” Recovery today magazine


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Our Readers Speak

Ending the Stigma Starts with Us Every time I share that I am a person recovering from Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), with someone who is not in recovery, it is always in hopes that I may change their negative view of the disease, or that I might be the person that they will feel comfortable enough with to ask for support if needed. Unfortunately, many people continue to believe that Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is a character flaw or a weakness in a person. They may believe that the affected individual simply cannot hold their booze and

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should just STOP! But it is not that simple. A huge part of the Substance Use Disorder (SUD) is the inability to stop using despite the negative consequences. I struggled to manage my alcohol consumption for many years not knowing that I had a disease. Just like most people, I could not grasp the power of it, and I found myself puzzled by its controlling nature. Was this my choice? No, it was not! Every day I swore that I would never, ever drink again; and every single day, I drank again.


But I also held the same stigma towards people struggling with substance use disorder and all I could think of was that if I ask for help with getting sober I would be admitting that I had a problem! I was also afraid of the judgement that I thought I would receive. I was petrified of telling anyone anything pertaining to my disease, or even my pursuit of recovery. In those days, I did not feel like getting sober was an amazing decision. Instead I felt lots of

shame and embarrassment, and I most definitely did not want to be an alcoholic! Then, early in recovery, I longed for acceptance from my family, and friends, and the society. I wanted to be able to share my struggles and challenges, as well as the amazing changes in my life that recovery was bringing. Yet, I felt that I was not able to share those moments because I feared the stigma that I would possibly have to face. I wish I had felt differently back then. I wish that maybe instead of holding on to my shame I could have been looking at this as any other disease and thinking, “I am sick, I need help.” I wish I did not have to feel like I had to hide my recovery too. I wish I knew that there were people out there who cared, and would support me, and cheer me on, every step of the way. Therefore, I believe that it is very important for us in recovery, to deliver the positive message to others! My hope is that no afflicted person will ever feel alone, hopeless and stigmatized. I would like for people to understand that Substance Use Disorder (SUD) is a disease, and that recovery from this disease is as amazing as running a marathon, or climbing a mountain.

Magz Shores is a mom of three awesome kids, a Senior Content Development Specialist at an e-Learning firm in Washington DC, and a person in recovery from Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). She is also the blogger behind the Sober Courage website, where she shares her experience strength and hope, and encourages others to find their path to recovery. She is also a passionate recovery advocate and stigma fighter, as well as a huge coffee lover and music fanatic. Web: Sober Courage | Facebook: Sober Courage Twitter: Sober Courage

To tell your story and have it featured, please send to: [email protected]



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w

ervie Exclusive Int

James Swanwick James Swanwick is an Australian-American entrepreneur, former Sports Center anchor on ESPN and host of The James Swanwick Show podcast.

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Interview with James Swanwick Interviewed by Recovery Today Magazine, Editor, Sherry Gaba, LCSW

He is the creator of the 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge, which helps people reduce or quit alcohol; and creator of blue light blocking glasses Swannies from Swanwick Sleep. Forbes magazine voted him one of Top 25 Networking Experts. Swanwick has interviewed celebrities including Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Arnold Schwarzenegger. James breaks down in this exclusive interview with Recovery Today Magazine Editor, Sherry Gaba, why he believes there are many paths towards recovery and how the 30 Day Alcohol Challenge changed his life and has been able to impact thousands

of lives around the world. By taking up the 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge, here are some of the results James has seen: • Fat

Loss • Healthy, Glowing Skin • Increased Energy and Well-being • Increased Focus and Productivity • Increased Confidence • Improved Mood and Happiness Whether its Yoga and Recovery, Buddhism and Recovery, the 12-step program or the 30 Day No Alcohol Challenge, it is clear there are many seekers out their looking for different recovery options.



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Why Self Care is a Necessity for Human Functioning Self care is not about selfindulgence, it’s about self-preservation.” – Audrey

Lorde, www.empowerlounge.com

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As a woman, mother, and psychotherapist- I tend to run on the care-taking side. I grew up in an alcoholic household as the oldest of five desperately wanting to make sure everyone else was taken care of. For a long time I ignored what I needed to charge my own batteries and often felt myself running on empty. Even though my graduate training expressed the importance of self care in conjunction with my role as a mental health professional, it wasn’t until I became a person in recovery, that I realized how vital self care is. Today, my self care is a non-negotiable.

Choosing to get your nails done doesn’t qualify as selfish but rather self care. Self care is a preventative “medicine” for everyone but especially a necessity to help those avoid relapse, mental health issues, weight gain, and insomnia-to name a few. I suggest my patients create a “prescription card” to carry with them of a list of self care ideas so they can commit to engaging and putting themselves first 3 to 5 times daily – even if it’s only for a few minutes at a time. If we don’t make US a priority, we can’t take care of anyone else effectively. Below are some examples I personally like to engage in but the selfcompassionproject.com has a list of dozens more! »» »» »» »» »» »» »»

going for a bike ride meditating journaling reading yoga sitting and drinking coffee lighting a candle and taking a couple of cleansing breathes.

Benefits of self care include increased positive thinking, less susceptibility to stress, and provoked feelings of calm and feeling taken care of. When we neglect our needs, we can become angry, resentful, and burned out resulting in conflict in relationships and low self-esteem.

Self care IS NOT selfish! I hear this way too often when I first introduce my patients to this concept. They fear their desires of wanting to do something for themselves will be judged by other people. I educate them by explaining a selfish person would view others as a means to get what they want-maybe when they were actively using drugs or alcohol, this was the case. Selfish people are often manipulative, narcissistic, and have a fear of loss of control. Choosing to get your nails done doesn’t qualify as selfish but rather self care. It’s okay to have your needs met- some of us aren’t sure what our needs are or at the beginning stages of learning what they are. It is a conscious choice to put YOU first and make YOU a priority. Other people will greatly benefit when you are your best self- you will have more to share. “Self care is learned, purposeful, and continuous. It is the cultivation of self in a comprehensive sense, focusing in particular on the soul and the knowledge of self.” (wikepedia)

Kelley Kitley is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice and owner of SERENDIPITOUS PSYCHOTHERAPY, LLC in downtown Chicago. She has been a featured Expert Contributor in The Wall Street Journal, Shape, SELF, Huffington Post, Women’s Health Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Chicago Parent Magazine, and dozens more. She is also an author for Fitness Magazine. Kelley is recognized as an International Women’s Mental Health Expert specializing in postpartum issues, anxiety, depression, trauma, and relationships. Her autobiography of survival, "My Self” is available on amazon. Her website is http://www.kelleykitley.com



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The Painting and The Piano About 5 years ago Adrianne and I decided to write our tandem narrative memoir, The Painting and The Piano. Not only was the process cathartic for us, it has been extremely helpful for many people which was our intention from day one. If we help just one person, then it was worth the journey. That is the final sentence in our book.

the only family she knew, by the courts to live with her heroin addicted biological parents. Her story was covered nationwide by the press in the early 1970’s

We have received numerous emails, texts and phone calls thanking us for writing the book and telling us how much it helped them.

But the damage had been done. Soon after Adrianne started to experiment with drugs and alcohol and eventual became an addict herself, just like her biological mother.

We wrote the book to tell our story so that others can find the similarities and realize we made it through some very difficult times and came out the other side. So can they! Adrianne side of the story starts off with her being born addicted to heroin, and then at age nine being forced from her foster family,

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Needless to say the next few years didn’t go well and after the death of her biological Mother, Adrianne was reunited with her family.

Being the Mother of three girls she was terrified but knew she had to get sober for her girls and to end the dysfunctional marriage she was in. Recovery wasn’t easy at first but today Adrianne thrives, loves life, recently celebrated twelve years


of sobriety and is very involved in the recovery community. My story on the other hand starts being born into a very affluent family, attending private schools, clubs and knew all the right people. My Mother was absent from my life due to her alcoholism and at the age of nine my parents were divorced. My Mother was sent away for treatment and didn’t return for five years. At the age of fourteen my Mother re-entered my life and the courts made a decision that my brother and sister were to live with our Mother and I was to live with her every other weekend. My Mother wasn’t rehabilitated in the slightest. Really my only memory of my mother was passed out on the couch in her urine soaked nightgown with cigarette burns all around the couch. Not one of my friends or girlfriends ever met my Mother.

I remember precisely where I was standing when I announced to the world I would never become my Mother. I was already started in that direction. Weekend drinking turned into daily black out drinking for the next twenty years until I got sober at the age of forty. I was miserable in recovery until my counselor asked me to write a letter to my Mother. My burning bush! Once finished writing and reading my letter to a group, I felt this dark cloud lift off of my shoulders. Since that time I have not had a compulsion or desire to drink, and that was over eighteen years ago. The parallels in our stories are uncanny; both of our Mother’s died at the age of forty-seven and we were both forced by the courts to live with our addicted Mothers. We met in recovery and have been together twelve years. We have amazing lives today and both stay very involved with our recovery programs and in the recovery community.

John Lipscomb (Ocean Ridge, Florida) celebrated 18 years of sobriety on January 5th, 2017. Since becoming sober John has sponsored many men in recovery, written and blogged about recovery, helped fund raising for The Exodus Outpatient program and spoke at their annual meeting. He has also been on the board of several men’s recovery homes, continually speaks at Alcoholic’s Anonymous meetings and is himself fully immersed in the recovery community in South Florida. John was involved in the Alcoholic Anonymous program bringing meetings into prison and for a few years was very involved with the Catholic Church Ministries where he worked with men and women in maximum security prison and even worked with prisoners on death row. Since the launch of, The Painting and The Piano, he has been busy speaking at Book Clubs, Podcasts, Radio Interviews and a TV appearance. He is passionate about recovery knowing what it did for him and is constantly reaching out to help others. John was graduated from Columbia College in 1984 with a Business Administration degree and professionally John has owned a Dogwatch Hidden Fence System dealership, a pet containment company, for over 25 years. Adrianne Lugo (Ocean Ridge, Florida) celebrated 11 years of sobriety on July 7th, 2016 and is very active in the South Florida recovery community. She worked for a recovery home company helping with bookkeeping and management of the homes. She sponsors women, speaks at many Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, writes and blogs about recovery. Participated in a Catholic Ministries program working with prisoners on death row. She has appeared on Podcasts, Radio Interviews, and TV discussing recovery more from the opiate side of addiction. She was born addicted to Heroin and was put into Foster care. At the age of 9 her biological parents wanted her back, which started a year long court battled that was carried by the national press. The launch of, The Painting and The Painting, has given Adrianne a platform to help the public understand more about Foster care, where it is today and what the future holds, obviously a topic dear to her heart. She raised three girls who are all of in the world doing wonderful things. She was graduated from San Diego State in 1985 with a degree in Recreational Therapy and in 2000 she worked on several political campaigns and was a delegate to the Republican National Party.



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Tips For Setting

New Year’s Resolutions are a tradition for most people and one tradition that is celebrated around the world. There is a difference between traditional “Resolutions” and the “Intentions” that are ideal for someone in recovery or their family

The Resolution Reality Resolutions are a firm or solid decision to do something or not to do something. In some ways, a resolution can be thought of a personal law. This creates a challenge for the recovering addict as it sets an absolute for their recovery. It may be something like “I will not drink in 2018” or “I will attend a support meeting every other day in 2018”. While these are good ideas, it also sets up a possible failure and relapse trigger. After all, if you have a drink or miss a meeting you have violated the resolution, so is there really any need to continue to try to get back on track? Family and friends are also an important part of the holiday season. For those with

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loved ones struggling with addiction or working through recovery, this time of year can be particularly challenging. Often friends and family members become hypervigilant at this time. They see themselves as the gatekeepers or the monitors of what may potentially be a problem for the individual in recovery. This can create a very specific type of stress over the holiday that continues into the rest of the year, but it can also create some ideal options to set healthy resolutions and intentions. The Benefit of Positive Intentions Intentions are something that is intended or planned to happen. Another word for

By focusing on the positive, you can tap into the world around you to find the energy you need to keep moving towards your goals. intentions may be a goal or objective. Less rigid in structure, they allow for deviations without the absolute feeling of loss that can come with broken resolutions. To set New Year’s Intentions for someone in recovery, consider the following tips: • Don’t set absolutes – instead of saying “I won’t drink” consider setting an intention that says that “Every day I will get up and recognize ability to make good choices for myself.” • Look for lifestyle changes – perhaps your intentions for this year should focus on physical health and wellness that may include monitoring your diet, adding regular exercise or perhaps taking a yoga class to connect mentally, physically and spiritually. • Be kind to yourself – a top intention that is often overlooked in recovery is in finding help and support for yourself throughout recovery. If you aren’t using a recovery coach or have a small support network, perhaps mindfully set an intention to have a recovery coach end of January or to expand your support network. Family members and friends can also set New Year’s Intentions. While each person will have his or her own, it is helpful to set at

least one intention that focuses in on your ability to be an effective support person for your loved one. A few helpful starter suggestions for support people in the life of an addict include: • Self-care – committing to finding time to get away, both mentally and physically, is important to sustain support for the loved one. Self-care also means setting boundaries and saying “no” when you have enough on your plate. • Delegating responsibility – an addict has to have the most active role in his or her recovery. As a support person in the network, making the resolution to hold others accountable for their choices and behaviors is one way to avoid creating co-dependency issues in the relationship. • Celebrate success – make it a resolution to celebrate successes in the New Year. This means successes for the individual in recovery, but also your own personal successes in your own life journey. Remember, choose your resolutions to reflect what you want to happen rather than what you don’t want to occur. By focusing on the positive, you can tap into the world around you to find the energy you need to keep moving towards your goals.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award winning book The Law of Sobriety: Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse. You can take her quiz to find out if you are co-dependent or sign up for a 30 minute strategy sessionwith Sherry. Check out Sherry’s new book The Marriage and Relationship Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession.



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Greg Hannley Publisher Nationally recognized addiction expert, Greg Hannley is the Publisher of “Recovery Today Magazine”. He is also the Chief Executive Officer of SOBA Recovery Center, and Executive Producer of the acclaimed film with Daniel Baldwin, “The Wisdom to Know the Difference”. Greg has appeared on CNN’s Larry King Live, Fox News, Fox and Friends, San Antonio Living, and other national media outlets. His vision is to provide a safe, sober environment for those suffering from the disease of addiction and to evangelize a simple, powerful message; there is hope.

Rob Hannley, Producer Sherry Gaba, LCSW Editor

In the News BRANDON NOVAK, RECOVERY TODAY’S OCTOBER COVER WAS FEATURED WITH SOBA LIVING ON FOX 29 DAYTIME AT NINE. Soba Recovery Center is one of the Largest Privately Held Drug and Alcohol Treatment Center in the United States. Their show, “Soba Living”, airs monthly on San Antonio’s popular Daytime shows “Daytime at Nine” and “San Antonio Living”. Actor / Director Daniel Baldwin, former Miss USA, Tara Conner and Soba CEO, Greg Hannley, talk about trending topics in the world of addiction, recovery and sobriety this month on Fox 29, San Antonio, “Daytime At Nine”. You’ll love this!

Day time at Nine

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