brainpower that differs from the creative side of writing. Think of yourself as switching on a program in your brain cal
How to
WRITE THE PERFECT PERSONAL ESSAY for U.S. colleges
Contents
01 02 03 04 05 06 Introduction
Making your essay work
Writing crash course 101
The purpose of the essay
A checklist: Essay types
Finding your voice: Basic grammar and style Self-edit your work Take your time
What to avoid in your essay
Essay Case Studies
Final Thoughts
Six examples of essays used in successful applications
Closing statements
Important things to keep in mind when writing your essay
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01
Introduction The US college application process is stressful for anyone. But it’s especially stressful if you don’t know what your dream school is looking for.
Elite colleges recognise that they are responsible for making you feel the overwhelming pressure of being beyond perfect.
Are your scores high enough? Are your extracurriculars diverse enough? Are your grades good enough?
While academics are still very important, many US colleges now focus on a more balanced application process. They emphasize what you as an individual have to offer to their school.
The insane levels of competition to get into elite US colleges serve only to heighten those anxieties. Maybe you’ve helplessly wondered to yourself, “What chance do I have when Ivy League schools accept 8.5% of applicants on average?” You’ve probably concluded that if you don’t have a perfect 1600 or 36 ACT and perfect extracurriculars, then you don’t have a chance, right?
They don’t just care about your scores or your lists of accomplishments. They care about what makes you tick, what makes you think, what makes you cry or celebrate. They care about who you are. The best way to communicate who you are in your application is through your personal essay.
Wrong.
As you probably already know, you won’t get accepted to college on the strength of your essay alone.
The entire application process is changing.
But it is also the only way that your voice can be heard by admissions officers.
Without it, all colleges have to help them make their decisions are your numbers - numbers of activities, numbers of A’s, and SAT numbers, to name a few. These application criteria are the metrics used to compare you to other applicants. The essay gives those metrics colour. It can also make a significant difference to your application at highly-competitive schools, particularly if you fall just short of the expected admissions metrics or if your metrics align with those of another applicant. A great essay might leapfrog you over other candidates with superior test scores and grades because it shows, for example, your strong moral compass and leadership abilities, making you ultimately more attractive than someone with a higher SAT score than you have. The essay can also help colleges understand why you’ve chosen to apply to their school and why you’d make a great addition on campus.
Accordingly, this eBook will cover the most important factors in a college essay, including: •
What colleges look for when reading personal statements
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Crafting your own personal statement
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Becoming a better writer
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What successful essays look like
And finally, we’ll give you six – yes, SIX – unique personal statements from successful applicants. All of these examples are originals from our archives, which haven’t been shared online before. The guidance in this eBook will work to make you a much more competitive applicant, as long as you take our advice to heart and don’t forget to put in plenty of work on your own! In this way, you can get a leg-up on being accepted to your dream school.
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02
Making your essay work
Before you start hammering away on the keyboard about the time that you saved a kitten from a tree, you need to understand what makes your essay work. Work, in this instance, means an essay that meets, or even exceeds, the expectations of the admissions officer. So how do we help you make your essay work?
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Yale’s admission officer
Current Harvard student
Top Crimson admissions consultant
Here’s what Yale’s admissions officer has to say on this subject:
A current Harvard student emphasized other essential aspects of the essay:
“We know that no one can fit an entire life story into two brief essays, and we don’t expect you to try. Pick a topic that will give us an idea of who you are. It doesn’t matter which topic you choose, as long as it is meaningful to you. We have read wonderful essays on common topics and weak essays on highly unusual ones. Your perspective – the lens through which you view your topic – is far more important than the specific topic itself.
“Good writing is essential. A wellwritten essay can take a mediocre topic and turn it into something compelling. It doesn’t have to be written like Hemingway either – lyrical, playful, or artistic writing is great, but not necessary. Don’t forget to include the key takeaways from whatever experience you write about – the better the insight, the better the admissions officer’s perception of the applicant will be. Finally, make sure you justify your application to some degree. Does your essay clarify why you want to go to college? And what you’ll contribute to the campus when you arrive?”
And finally, a quotation from a top admissions consultant at Crimson Education, who has helped students gain admission to Harvard, Stanford, and MIT:
In the past, students have written about family situations, ethnicity or culture, school or community events to which they have had strong reactions, people who have influenced them, significant experiences, intellectual interests, personal aspirations, or – more generally – topics that spring from the life of the imagination.”
“Exhibiting personal growth is a key element of a great essay. An interesting personal experience is a solid starting point, but without bringing the narrative to a fulfilling conclusion – a lesson learned, improvements made, a mission to do better in the future or help improve others – the essay will seem incomplete.”
31,445
Yale applicants
1,373
Admissions
39,041
Harvard applicants
2,106
Admissions 5
Key indicators
Soft indicators
Let’s unpack
These comments reveal three key indicators of a strong essay:
But we also found four soft indicators that you won’t see quoted from any admissions officer. These are features of an application that admissions officers seek out in general – but you can include them in the essay to give your application an extra edge.
What have we got here?
They are:
What do they mean exactly and how can you demonstrate them in your essay?
They are: 1. Individuality, relevance, and novelty when choosing your topic 2. Insight, reflection, and personal growth from the central theme or experience 3. Careful, compelling, and wellconstructed writing
1. Intellectual curiosity
It’s a checklist for writing a strong personal essay. So, let’s put a little more meat on the bones of these indicators.
2. Passionate involvement in a certain area, or a special talent, and how it has impacted your worldview 3. What you’ll take from and bring to your college campus (especially in supplementary essays) 4. Your most important relationships – with a parent, a sibling, your religion, or your culture
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Key Indicator #1 Individuality, relevance, and novelty when choosing your topic.
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Remember: Setup, Conflict, Resolution.
What life experiences up to this point have had a profound impact on you? What have you done, seen, read, or created that changed how you see the world?
The conflict delves into the story’s point of inflection, when things begin changing because of some central challenge or event. Character development is essential here.
The experience you choose to write about must be relevant to how you have become the person you are today, and it should give your reader an idea about what matters most to you. What relationships in your life have most powerfully shaped you? Your topic will be engaging to the reader if it’s engaging to you.
The story’s resolution brings everything to a close, but it doesn’t have to be conclusive, considering you are trying to take the next steps of your journey in college! You should aim to provide a reader with a solution to the conflict or challenge you described, and some sort of closure or vision for the future.
Your essay can be a narrative – it can tell a meaningful story. In fact, having a clear storyline can be very valuable. Remember the classic narrative form: setup, conflict, and resolution.
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A defining experience you’ve had at home, at school, or abroad
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How you learned some new truth about the world
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A time when you failed miserably and what it meant to you
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A lesson taught to you by a family member or member of the community
The setup introduces the main characters and foreshadows the upcoming conflict or main issue – this could be a point of growth for you.
With that in mind, your essay shouldn’t read like a résumé; it should read like a person wrote it. Show what you’ve learned by describing your insights. Don’t tell what you’ve done by listing events in an aimless sequence.
You might write a story about:
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Key Indicator #2 Insight, reflection, and personal growth from the central theme or experience. You need more than a compelling topic. You need more than a description of an experience. You need to demonstrate your ability to gain insight into your experience; to learn, grow, and reflect.
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Show your understanding, don’t retell an event.
An event in your life may have been very significant to you, but if you haven’t learned anything about yourself or the world, then the experience will come across as meaningless. The construction of an insight is fairly straightforward. Your essay should demonstrate a clear progression of past, present, and future. In the past, I had this experience. In the present I now have this insight, and in the future I want to do that differently. This is in line with the storytelling framework we established above. It is crucial that your insights be appropriate in scope. Your insights should be personal, reflective, and specific. No one expects you to suddenly
understand mankind or the meaning of life – “now I see that all people are connected” or some other cliché – but rather, what you have learned about yourself, your family, or your neighborhood.
to overcome a childhood stutter, or the understanding that you can use your struggle to teach and help others in the community, or the awakening that came from finding parts of the character in yourself.
It is also important to illustrate how your topic – an experience, a relationship, or something else – has driven your personal growth. What personal growth really translates to is gaining perspective: contextualizing yourself and your experiences in the world around you, how your actions impact others, and how your experiences contribute to a richer understanding of who you are.
With that in mind, consider this: the topic of the essay isn’t as important as the insight you draw from it. The essay can be about shopping at a supermarket, but if it tells your story, or it reveals something profound about your character, then it’s a successful essay.
Remember that this essay is about you and what you’ve experienced, not about the experience itself. For example, an essay about a first-place performance of a Shakespearean monologue should not focus on the performance itself, or the accolade, or what the judges thought. Instead, it should prioritize the struggle 8
Key Indicator #3 Careful, compelling, and wellconstructed writing. Your writing needs to be clean.
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Give meaning to every line and stay on topic.
You need to clearly communicate the main idea of your essay. Whatever your key insight or big takeaway is, your writing must be clear and organized to get the idea across. Each sentence must have clear meaning and should clearly relate to your topic. Do not generalize the thoughts or feelings that you describe: you should use detailed descriptions. Do not vaguely mention your experience – “the Shakespeare competition made me appreciate theater”. Do specifically describe your insights – “the competition made me realize that theater gives me more than a basic understanding of others; the constant character work has pointed me towards a deeper familiarity with my own character, and how I relate to others”.
Your essay should stay on-topic throughout. A well-structured essay means a logical progression of descriptions, ideas, and conclusions. Do the work of organizing for your reader – do not make them wonder how one paragraph relates to another. Your essay should not be confusing to read. Your writing also needs to be checked perfectly for spelling and grammar. This means no typos, appropriate use of syntax, and correct grammar. Your essay should clearly communicate that it is a product that you have put significant time and thought into. It should not appear sloppy, careless, or thrown together, because the reader will project those qualities onto you.
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Supplementary essay types Usually, each college you apply to requires you to submit one or two additional essays on top of the Common App that specifically focus on their school: these are called supplements. There are three general types of prompts for supplement essays, each of which requires a different approach.
to write about one of the stronger aspects of your application. This topic is an opportunity to discuss your insights into an experience or event in your life different from the one you described in your Common App. Focus on one or two of your central values or goals. Do not try to tell your entire life story. Be personal and vulnerable. No clichés.
The three types of essay:
Here’s an example.
1. The ‘you’ essay: this essay asks you to tell the university about yourself. The college wants to know you better and understand how your specific characteristics and experiences align with the college’s culture and values.
Be wary of the open-ended prompt since it may be difficult to cover cohesively. You can’t describe everything about yourself that might “contribute to our community” in one essay, but you can certainly talk about one thing in great depth. Make sure to stay structured and on-topic.
Example: “The University of Texas at Austin values a diversity of interests. What contributions might you make to our community outside of academic excellence?” This is your chance to distinguish yourself from other applicants. Since there are no specific guidelines, you can choose
2. The ‘why us?’ essay (only for supplemental essays): this essay asks why you’ve chosen to apply to this particular college and what your goals are if you study at this campus. Example: “How did you become interested in Swarthmore?”
Whereas the previous essay type gave you an opportunity to speak broadly about your abilities, this topic provides a chance to narrow in on why and how this college aligns with your path. It also allows you to show off your specific knowledge of the college, and why its majors, programs, and campus culture fit your interests perfectly. Make sure you thoroughly research this section. Factual blunders will almost surely eliminate you. It can be difficult to align your unique qualities with generic university requirements, so make sure to be specific. If possible, visit the college in person to get a sense of the campus and its resources. But the college’s website is also a great starting point. Look for one or two programs that align with your interest. Your mission is to find a reason why only this school can truly fulfill your goals and interests. These programs should be unique to that school. For example, you don’t just want to go to Duke because of their great economics major – every comparable school has the same major. Instead, you’re interested in the specific opportunity that Duke provides to combine the B.S. in Finance 10
with the B.A. in Econ because you want to study market implications of industrial labor decisions. Be careful not to tell the college things they already know. The essay is about you, not about the college. Don’t talk about the programs themselves; talk about how your values or goals specifically align with the programs. 3. The Creative essay: this essay evaluates your ability to think beyond the scope of the two other more common essay formats, testing whether you’re merely copying your essays from other schools’ prompts. Example: “What is square one, and can you actually go back to it?” (University of Chicago, class of 2021 admissions) This essay type is an opportunity to shine a light on your personality, views, and creativity. Not only does it make you think outside the box [pardon the pun] of traditional prompts, but it forces you to link your traditional insights to more abstract concepts or questions.
These essays can be difficult because they often lead to confusing, obtuse, or unspecific writing. Make sure you make an argument about why your experience or insight connects to the topic. Remember to backup your argument with sufficiently clear detail. Think creatively, sure, but don’t let your essay drift off into the realm of fantasy. Stay informed and accurate. Exercise common sense. Avoid selfindulgence and eccentricity. No one cares about you pontificating on highminded subjects or bragging about your experience to exotic locales. Don’t forget: at top schools, admissions officers read thousands of essays. If yours is boring, impersonal, or badly written, they may not even read the whole thing.
The University of Chicago is renowned for its provocative extended essay questions. Take a look at some of their mind-cookers from 2016-2017: •
Alice falls down the rabbit hole. Milo drives through the tollbooth. Dorothy is swept up in the tornado. Neo takes the red pill. Don’t tell us about another world you’ve imagined, heard about, or created. Rather, tell us about its portal. Sure, some people think of the University of Chicago as a portal to their future, but please choose another portal to write about.
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Vestigiality refers to genetically determined structures or attributes that have apparently lost most or all of their ancestral function, but have been retained during the process of evolution. In humans, for instance, the appendix is thought to be a vestigial structure. Describe something vestigial (real or imagined) and provide an explanation for its existence. —Inspired by Tiffany Kim, Class of 2020
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03
Writing crash course 101
An important function of your application essay is proving that you can write. Not just that you can put words on a page, but that you capably weave a narrative arc through a personal experience that doesn’t repeat itself, utilizes syntactic diversity (not just “I did this,” then “I did that”), and exhibits precise word choice (did you say “it was loud in the theater” when you meant “the theater broke out into pandemonium”?). You’re going to be writing a lot in college, so it’s paramount that your essay shows you can efficiently and effectively communicate written ideas. Bring your A-game. This section is dedicated to giving you a booster course in the solid fundamentals for writing a high quality essay. 12
Finding your voice Writing, like music, makes people feel. Powerful prose can raise goose bumps on your skin. Yet, the choice of words, or their order, are not the cause of the emotions. The tone and voice are paramount. Tone is how a passage of writing makes you feel. Ask yourself when trying to identify the tone of the writing: is the language formal or informal? Is it complex or simplified? Am I the target audience? These questions can assist you in identifying tone. Voice is a quality that lets the reader know you wrote it. Ever tried to tell somebody else’s story? It’s wildly difficult to do because you will always add your own flavour to the story. Same with writing: voice is your unique personality shining through the words and igniting your reader’s imagination. You know when you’re reading Hemingway.
And you know when you’re reading a Buzzfeed article. Because each has a defined voice. Voice is utterly crucial to your personal essay because it conveys your personality–exactly what admissions officers are looking for. Every writer has a voice. It is inseparable from you as a person. How do I find my voice? It’s simple. Here are eight easy exercises to help you identify your voice. 1. Describe yourself in three adjectives: e.g. ambitious, fun, and charismatic. 2. Read something you wrote a while ago and ask yourself: “Is this how I talk?” 3. Describe your ideal reader, someone who’d come back to read more from you. For example: my ideal reader has a sense of humour, understands pop culture, and loves technology.
They don’t waste time, are smart, and hate things that are overcomplicated. 4. Write down five publications or authors that you like to read and examine them. What are their similarities and differences? How does their writing intrigue you?
Once you’ve found your voice . . . Continue to develop it. Starting early on your college application is important, so that you have enough time to develop your voice in the essay.
5. List your favourite artistic or cultural influences. They can be bands, painters, YouTubers, or anything in-between. How do they express themselves? Why do you like them? 6. Ask your friends and family to describe your voice. What impression do you give others? 7. Sit down and just write anything for 5 minutes. Literally anything. Then read it and ask: “When I write, do I sound like this or do I censor myself?” 8. Make yourself vulnerable. You should feel nervous, afraid, or worried when you submit your writing. If you feel calm about your writing, then nothing personal is at stake.
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Basic grammar and style
Grammar
Now that you have found your voice, let’s look at some of the fundamentals of grammar and style.
You can find resources on grammar at the end of this chapter, which will help if you’re struggling with more intense areas of the subject, such as verb mood, subordinate clauses, and coordinate versus non-coordinate adjectives.
Is the clause that I’m using essential to the sentence?
We’ll also skip the basics, like what is a sentence and what is a clause, as you’ve probably got them covered.
For example: The car that I want is out of my price range. (essential) For example: The car, which is only two years old, sold for $2,000. (non-essential)
Like any good coach will tell you, solid fundamentals are the building blocks of talent. As an example, Picasso spent his early years as an artist mastering traditional styles and techniques, such as realism, portraits, and landscapes, before he pioneered Cubism. Grammar is the system and structure behind language – the source code. It’s a series of “rules” that guide the composition of words and help readers to understand your message in the writing. Style is the effective expression of thought through writing. It’s your choice of words, sentence structure, and paragraphing; style helps to convey meaning.
Instead, let’s look at some of the things that trip most people up; knowing about them will dramatically improve your writing.
That vs. which This one can be confusing. Where do you put that or which in a multi-clause sentence? Let’s look at their definitions:
If yes, THAT If no, WHICH
For example: The kitten that has white paws is the one I want (essential) For example: The kitten, which was my favourite, greedily ate her dinner (nonessential clause)
Improper commas Some writers use far too many commas, and some barely use them at all.
That introduces a restrictive clause.
Correct comma placement subtly shows the reader that you know your stuff.
Which introduces a non-restrictive clause.
Let’s look at some examples:
Confused? Well, that’s grammar for you. The easiest way to remember this information is replace the word restrictive with essential.
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Introductory words, phrases and clauses need commas.
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Style Incorrect: To become a good writer I must practice. Correct: To become a good writer, I must practice. •
Non-essential information can be cordoned off with commas. Incorrect: Manu Ginobli who was born in Argentina is a shooting guard for the San Antonio Spurs. Correct: Manu Ginobli, who was born in Argentina, is a shooting guard for the San Antonio Spurs.
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Essential information does not require commas. Incorrect: The boys, who vandalised the garden, are in police custody. Correct: The boys who vandalised the garden are in police custody.
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Commas before direct quotation. Incorrect: Descartes said “I think, therefore I am.” Correct: Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.”
Hyphenation Always hyphenate adjectives that describe nouns. It helps clarify your meaning.
Okay, so what is good style? Well . . . Good style expresses your message to the reader simply, clearly, and concisely. It keeps the reader attentive, engaged, and interested. And it shows your writing skills, knowledge, and ability. Bad style fails at one, two, or all three of these areas.
For example: I put on my taped-together black horn-rimmed glasses.
Keep this in mind as you write. You make stylistic choices for the reader, not your ego. If the reader doesn’t understand your message, your style has failed.
Don’t forget to include a hyphen even if a word interrupts your descriptors.
The basics of good style include:
For example: The decision will impact our short- and long-term financial prospects.
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Using straightforward and simple language.
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Writing trim, lean, and punchy sentences balanced with the occasional long sentence for flavour.
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Avoiding redundancies. For example: ready, willing, and able all mean the same thing.
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Cutting out excessive qualification. For example: I have very many reasons for this.
These lists can go on forever, so . . . •
Comma splice: A comma can’t join two main clauses. Incorrect: Circumstances forced me into homelessness, nevertheless I kept up my studies. Correct: Circumstances forced me into homelessness; nevertheless, I kept up my studies.
Here are some online resources with great search functions that can further assist with grammar and style. Daily Writing Tips GrammarBook
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Using parallel forms.
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Using the active over passive voice. E.g. “I loved Sally”; not “Sally was loved by me”.
Also, style differs from voice. Style is how you choose and position your words on the page to convey the overall message, while voice is what makes your writing distinctly you. People can imitate your style, but they can’t imitate your voice.
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How to self-edit Editing your work is crucial to cleanly convey your message. A first draft is never good and it will never get you into a top college. To give you an idea, most writers, editors, and organisations recommend at least two to four rounds of edits before publishing. Editing also requires an analytical type of brainpower that differs from the creative side of writing. Think of yourself as switching on a program in your brain called wordsweep. exe. Here are five quick tips to help you edit your own essay before you get someone else to review it: 1. Trim filler words. Common culprits include: There, it, here. They refer to nouns in your sentence, which means the sentence can be rewritten. Words like this rely on other filler words to help your sentence make sense – such as who, that and when. If
college application isn’t “very scary”; it’s “terrifying”.
you’re seeing these words a lot, then rewrite that sentence. •
Example: There are writers who seem to think prose is easy.
4. Burn flabby words.
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Correction: Some writers think prose is easy.
Get your words to the gym and burn off that fat.
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Example: It’s fun to go to college.
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Correction: College is fun.
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Correction: She writes her application.
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Example: People are in love with yo-yos.
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Correction: People love yo-yos.
3. Kill flimsy adjectives. Weak adjectives drain the power of your words. The writer isn’t “really bad”; the writer is “terrible”. Your
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Correction: Alcohol causes hangovers.
• Correction: But Pepsi tastes better. • Example: You’re going to have to edit your work.
Inexperienced writers tend to soften their words. They let various verb forms (predominately to be) weaken the impact of their writing, instead of letting the verb do what it does best – show ACTION. Example: She is writing her application.
Example: Alcohol is the cause of hangovers.
• Example: But the fact of the matter is, Pepsi tastes better.
2. Make your verbs punch.
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• Correction: You must edit your work. • Example: Due to the fact that editing takes time... • Correction: Because editing takes time... 5. Get to the point. This is called nominalisation. It’s when the writer uses a weaker noun when a stronger verb or adjective replacement would make things much clearer and more punchy. •
Example: Give your essay a proofread.
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Correction: Proofread your essay. 16
Take your time Most applicants neglect their essay when preparing their college application.
So essentially, allow 6 to 12 hours to work on each essay.
To give yourself a head start, don’t make that mistake.
Depending upon the colleges that you apply to, you may have to prepare up to 5 essays.
It’s going to take some time to craft a tailored response for your targeted college. Follow these steps when crafting your essay: •
Brainstorm ideas and develop core messages (3–6 hours)
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Write your first draft (up to 4 hours)
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Edit the second draft (1.5 hours of intense work)
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Get your second draft reviewed (variable)
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Write your final copy (1–2 hours)
That will give you a full week’s worth of work to do, even if you only focus on writing essays! So remember, take your time. Plan and prepare.
26.2% College-level students’ writing classed as ‘deficient’.
